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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:38pm

I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:38pm

When I'm all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I'd never let that scenario become a reality.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:38pm

Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don't cut it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

Taking selfies is a lot of work when youíre not attractive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

Iím sorry I slapped you. Itís just you seemed like you werenít going to stop talking and I panicked.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It's open."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:37pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

An important phone call is something that occurs when there's no better excuse to ignore someone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:36pm

When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:36pm

Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:36pm

I donít make mistakes too often, but when I do itís your fault.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:36pm

My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:36pm

Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:35pm

I'm "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:35pm

Iím in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:35pm

"There's strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:35pm

Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who's accent is so thick you can't understand them?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.29.15 @ 15:34pm

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