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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I don't care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

I don't really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:31pm

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:30pm

Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:30pm

Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:30pm

Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:30pm

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I'm known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:30pm

Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I'm just fat
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn't work if it isn't open.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

When I was little we didn't have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:29pm

If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:28pm

If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don't: technically, you did
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:28pm

If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.25.16 @ 15:28pm

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