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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I really think my life would be a lot better if my fitness app would just lower its standards
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:15pm

If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:15pm

Admit it, we all have that special someone we'd visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:15pm

Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:15pm

Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

Life's most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

I'm paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I'd totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

I'm looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:14pm

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Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:13pm

The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:13pm

We don't lick people! - Lies adults tell kids
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:13pm

My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

Is there another word for synonym?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

So far Ive spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:12pm

The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it's okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.2.16 @ 20:11pm

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