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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Iím starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:31am

Let's drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:30am

Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:30am

Everyone has fitness goals and Iím over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:30am

Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didnít mind though as I can't hear anything through the telescope.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

Don't apologize because you haven't posted in a while. No one cared.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:29am

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Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:28am

The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn't done anything wrong
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:28am

Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:28am

I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:28am

Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:27am

I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:27am

You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:27am

They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know itís the wrong one?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:26am

Some of you are like family to me. I donít want you calling me either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:26am

The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:26am

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