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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:38pm

Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:38pm

I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:38pm

Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:38pm

I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:37pm

Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:37pm

If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I'm trying to unlock it more than two times, I'm driving off without you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:37pm

Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:37pm

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:36pm

If you're buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I'm sorry to tell you it's not working
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:34pm

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Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:31pm

If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I'll sign up to be his coach. It's important that he knows that I'll swear at other kids too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:30pm

Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:30pm

Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:30pm

Why non-smokers don't take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:29pm

Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:28pm

I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:28pm

So bored at work I can't even think of something to goggle
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:28pm

Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they're either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:26pm

Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.28.16 @ 16:25pm

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