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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:57am

When I'm bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain't seen me... capiche?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:57am

Id be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:54am

The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:54am

Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:53am

Why can't we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:53am

Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:52am

I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:52am

I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it's someone's birthday and I need to show respect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Birthday status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:52am

Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:51am

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The Easter Bunny doesn't always drink, but when he does I bet it's hopscotch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:49am

Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn't that hungry.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:47am

What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:47am

My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs. So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:46am

I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:39am

I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:16am

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