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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If your going to be two faced, do us all a favor and at least make one of them look pretty!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 22:17pm

Some friends are like clouds, the sooner they go away, the brighter the day gets.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 21:38pm

I'm so broke that I can't even pay attention!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 21:30pm

Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:22am

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:22am

I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

I need new swear words.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn't enough.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Boobs: because you can't suck on a girls personality
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

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