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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If I haven't offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It's in there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. Itís giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

If I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

You canít call them ďlove handlesĒ if nobody loves you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they'll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you're at it, too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

If you're married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I'll stalk you (maybe)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

99% of people are stupid. Luckily, Iím part of the other 2%
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:01pm

Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:00pm

Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:00pm

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