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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'm holding cheerleader try outs for my "Fantasy football team". Full outfits are encourage but not necessary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am

Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am

I just found out that сосk fighting is done with chickens? That's 12 months of training gone to waste!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am

I just hooked up my wireless printer but I'm not sure which neighbor has my documents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:04am

If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am

Well, to be frank, I'd have to change my name.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am

I shouldn't have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:03am

I bought a high definition TV because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on CSI
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am

That annoying moment when you cannot find the long side of your blanket.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am

Most people write congrats because they don't know the spelling of congrajulashions
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:02am

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I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:01am

If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd probably come in fourth so I wouldn't need to walk up to the podium.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:01am

Spice things up in the bedroom by loosening the ceiling fan.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am

Always remember to the change the oil in your time machine once every 6 months or 3,000 years.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am

My mom's texts are so much more fun after my sister told her that WTF means "Wow, That's Fantastic."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 10:00am

The only difference between brown nosing and butt kissing is depth perception.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:59am

If you send an e-mail to someone in jail, are you allowed to attach a file?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:59am

At my age, you have home Ibuprofen and work Ibuprofen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am

My dog acts like he's always auditioning to be my best friend. I'm like "Dude, you already got the part...you can relax."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am

The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 09:57am

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