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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 18:52pm

When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
Posted By: DAVE - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 18:00pm

Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:56am

Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:56am

Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:55am

My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:52am

Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:51am

Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:51am

Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:50am

Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now heís walking around like a sour puss.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:50am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
HR have advised that Iím not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:50am

Your parents taught you to wash your hands after you pee. My parents taught me not to pee on my hands in the first place.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:50am

All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:50am

All Iím saying is, youíve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:44am

Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I'm like, that's so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I'm more fun than I actually am
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:44am

My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 11:42am

I don't get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
Posted By: Adam Drizzy - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 09:18am

apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn't a good idea.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 07:08am

My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 03:45am

I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a 'Sleep in' Apparently it's not harmful but may be addictive. . .
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.24.14 @ 03:35am

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