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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:23pm

Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

Sorry, I can't delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:22pm

I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

My co workers put cookies on my desk, like they're leaving a sacrifice for an angry god.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

If you're not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

Sometimes, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Then I remember: I have beers waiting for me at home. I can do this for them
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:20pm

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