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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:18am

I can't get the cork off my dinner.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:18am

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:17am

Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:17am

Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:17am

There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:17am

Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:17am

In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:16am

You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:16am

I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:16am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:16am

Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:15am

Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:15am

Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:15am

Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:15am

1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he'll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

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