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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasnít even listening.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:53pm

If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it wonít feel like you are alone anymore
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:53pm

At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they're empty.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:53pm

"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:53pm

You never really know if you're over someone until you're in the car and they're in the crosswalk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:52pm

I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that's the last thing I need.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:52pm

I know I don't look like it but I'm really good looking!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:51pm

Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:47pm

Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:47pm

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:47pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:47pm

A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:46pm

The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:46pm

I said I was good at making decisions. I didn't say the decisions I made were good.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:46pm

"Don't make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:46pm

The only thing I'm really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I'll probably never be able to retire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:45pm

Iím always frank with my sexual partners. Donít want them knowing my real name.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:45pm

I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:45pm

Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:44pm

Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.17.16 @ 17:44pm

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