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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I didn't see anyone important yesterday, so I'll probably wear these same clothes today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:42pm

The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:42pm

Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:41pm

I'm a huge fan of screaming "You're welcome" really loud when people don't say thank you...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:41pm

I'm single by choice. Not MY choice. But it's still a choice
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:41pm

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or married.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:36pm

If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:36pm

A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:36pm

You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:36pm

Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:35pm

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The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:35pm

Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who's not interested.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:34pm

As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:34pm

This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:34pm

My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:33pm

From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:33pm

Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:33pm

The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:33pm

Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:33pm

They're called 'selfies' because the only one who's interested in them is yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:32pm

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