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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:43am

The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:43am

Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:42am

I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I've been so quiet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:42am

Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:42am

My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I'll just leave it there. I'm not hiding who I am anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:42am

Personal trainer said we're going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:42am

I'm sorry, all I hear is your perfume
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
When I was a kid…no wait, I still do that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:41am

It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

I found that 99% of the time, when I'm not listening, just saying "that's some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn't have to get up and pee....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.19.14 @ 10:40am

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