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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the game so I may need new meds...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:55pm

I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

Let's be honest, Dos Equis. After a bunch of ANY beer, what guy DOESN'T think he's the most interesting man in the world?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:53pm

They call cat people crazy but they're not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

I love watching women's beach volleyball. There have been two wrist injuries so far, but I should be ok by next week.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:52pm

According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I'm OCD.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

I wish all my freckles would just mix into a tan.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who's free for the weekend.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:51pm

If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.17.16 @ 18:50pm

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