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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Be thankful your GPS doesn't get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 22:49pm

I'm at my neighbor's house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:53pm

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:53pm

Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:53pm

OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:53pm

Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:53pm

If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

I'm not sure what my spirit animal is, but I'm sure it has Rabies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

I'm really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I'm starting to miss their ex!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I'm sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:52pm

I would like to think that I'll die heroic death saving someone's life but it's more likely I'll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:51pm

If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don't know where I belong.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

"I don't trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

It's not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

Why hasn't anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you're gonna be late?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.31.15 @ 19:50pm

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