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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:11pm

When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it's Santa Claus!" so I don't have to get up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:11pm

There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:11pm

I'd rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:11pm

Ziploc's idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:11pm

I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:10pm

My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it's my fault.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:10pm

No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:10pm

I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:10pm

My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasnít made me look insane 10,000 times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:09pm

If you think husbands aren't good listeners, whisper "Come here, I'm naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:08pm

I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:08pm

Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:08pm

I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:08pm

Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.20.15 @ 16:08pm

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