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I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:40pm

Can't wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:09pm

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I'll pop open the red and drink that.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 11.26.17 @ 17:02pm

The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 01.2.17 @ 17:31pm

Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:49pm

I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:48pm

I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:52am

I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 09.14.16 @ 16:04pm

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Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:25am

The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.23.15 @ 19:23pm

"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 16:00pm

Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 15:56pm

And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.1.15 @ 14:51pm

Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 12:33pm

Merry Christmas week! The time when itís totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 12:31pm

I know what I'm getting for Christmas ... Fat. I'm getting fat.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:20am

Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:20am

My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:18am

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