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I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:52am

I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 09.14.16 @ 16:04pm

Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:25am

The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.23.15 @ 19:23pm

"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 16:00pm

Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 15:56pm

And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.1.15 @ 14:51pm

Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 12:33pm

Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 12:31pm

I know what I'm getting for Christmas ... Fat. I'm getting fat.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:20am

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Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:20am

My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:18am

Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 13:11pm

Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 11:07am

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.16.14 @ 11:15am

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:32am

This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:31am

Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:20am

The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:16am

Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:16am

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