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In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 12.27.13 @ 11:08am

Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.26.13 @ 11:09am

On the bright side, all that coal will keep me warm this winter.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.26.13 @ 11:06am

There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.26.13 @ 04:00am

It only takes about 3 times of hearing the song "Frosty the Snowman" before I wish someone would push him into a hot tub
Category: Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.25.13 @ 17:02pm

Well, the people outside are frightful.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.24.13 @ 12:01pm

As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can't be bought.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.24.13 @ 11:59am

Christmas spirit? I'm proud to say I've got plenty of that. I've got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.24.13 @ 11:58am

I went to Jared for my girlfriend's Christmas gift. I'm sure she will love her Subway gift card.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.23.13 @ 11:12am

Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.23.13 @ 11:12am

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’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.23.13 @ 11:09am

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.23.13 @ 11:08am

May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.23.13 @ 11:08am

If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.22.13 @ 11:26am

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.22.13 @ 11:25am

I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 12.22.13 @ 11:24am

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 12.20.13 @ 11:41am

Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 12.20.13 @ 01:39am

Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you've been dating the ugly sister
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.19.13 @ 11:33am

Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.19.13 @ 11:32am

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