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Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 13:11pm

Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 11:07am

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Tuesday, 12.16.14 @ 11:15am

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:32am

This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:31am

Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:20am

The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:16am

Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:16am

So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 11:25am

I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:41am

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Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
Category: funny Christmas status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:37am

If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you're doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 10:55am

It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 10:53am

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
Category: Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 10:38am

Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.
Category: Christmas status update on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 10:37am

Oh the weather outside is delightful, the balance on my account is frightful, what happened to all of my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo
Category: Christmas status update on Wednesday, 11.26.14 @ 03:10am

Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don't get called and nobody gets arrested.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Monday, 11.24.14 @ 12:08pm

Ha! Who's laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 11.7.14 @ 11:52am

I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
Category: funny Christmas status update on Sunday, 03.30.14 @ 11:40am

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Category: funny Christmas status update on Friday, 01.3.14 @ 09:38am

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