Thank you Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!!!

A piņata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.

Almost time to get me a bag of assorted candy. Last year I got mine from Batman. Superhero my ass. He wasn't as tall as I expected... and he cried like a little kid.

For Halloween I'm dressing up as a Scooby Doo character and then ripping people's masks off.

When I was a kid I use to change costumes a few times and revisit houses to get more candy.

How to save money on Halloween candy, set a empty bowel on the front porch and write a nice note that says please only take one piece of candy, that way everyone can have some.

I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.

If the trick or treaters really want to scare me this year, then they should all dress up as Visa statements.

finally figured out I would just be "Awesome" for Halloween, but I realized I didn't need a costume...just vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.

For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers

Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

bets living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

It must be impossible to stand out as a prostitute working on Halloween.

I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.

That akward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you..

Reason #43 that I had children: I get to play "candy inspector" after Trick-Or-Treating on Halloween.

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

gonna wear a Charlie Brown costume this Halloween and give everyboby who comes to my door a ROCK.

If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. I should be fine.

wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don't solve riddles that open portals to Hell.