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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:53pm

I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:48pm

If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo's show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it's Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:40pm

I love Halloween because it's the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:37pm

The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.27.17 @ 14:28pm

Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit for Halloween
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:02pm

Halloween, that magical time of year when I can buy 10 pound bags of candy and no one thinks it's "a huge red flag."
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:01pm

I know what I am going to be for Halloween, I'm going to be drunk. . .
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:00pm

Nice try Halloween, I eat candy in the dark and pretend not to be home every night.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:59am

Love this time of year when I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:57am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
"Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they're not, looking for handouts. It's like running for president."
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:56am

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:55am

Instead of paying for a haunted house this year I'm just making the kids clean out the refrigerator.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:55am

I want to be something really scary for Halloween. So this year, I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 3%.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 13:45pm

Add 'sexy' to anything and it instantly becomes a female Halloween costume.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.9.16 @ 13:44pm

I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
Category: funny Halloween status update on Tuesday, 10.20.15 @ 18:55pm

The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah's Witnesses wondering why they're being given candy.
Category: Halloween status update on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 08:27am

I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:57am

Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:53am

When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:49am

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