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Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Monday, 10.21.13 @ 10:17am

Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Category: funny Halloween status update on Saturday, 10.19.13 @ 10:21am

The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Thursday, 10.17.13 @ 08:27am

I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 09.27.13 @ 08:38am

This Halloween, the only Candy I'm interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Category: funny Halloween status update on Friday, 09.27.13 @ 08:36am

I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Category: funny Halloween status update on Wednesday, 09.25.13 @ 09:03am

My costume worked so well that the people at the bank gave me all their money.
Category: Halloween status update on Monday, 08.26.13 @ 11:36am

Thank you Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!!!
Category: Halloween status update on Wednesday, 10.31.12 @ 19:00pm

A piñata is NOT a good idea for a Halloween costume.
Category: Halloween status update on Wednesday, 10.31.12 @ 18:51pm

Almost time to get me a bag of assorted candy. Last year I got mine from Batman. Superhero my ass. He wasn't as tall as I expected... and he cried like a little kid.
Category: Halloween status update on Wednesday, 10.31.12 @ 18:42pm

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For Halloween I'm dressing up as a Scooby Doo character and then ripping people's masks off.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.28.12 @ 11:18am

When I was a kid I use to change costumes a few times and revisit houses to get more candy.
Category: Halloween status update on Friday, 10.26.12 @ 17:18pm

How to save money on Halloween candy, set a empty bowel on the front porch and write a nice note that says please only take one piece of candy, that way everyone can have some.
Category: Halloween status update on Monday, 10.31.11 @ 19:01pm

I'll be your trick if you'll be my treat.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.11 @ 08:44am

If the trick or treaters really want to scare me this year, then they should all dress up as Visa statements.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.11 @ 08:43am

finally figured out I would just be "Awesome" for Halloween, but I realized I didn't need a costume...just vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.
Category: Halloween status update on Sunday, 10.30.11 @ 08:43am

For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
Category: Halloween status update on Saturday, 10.29.11 @ 10:52am

Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.
Category: Halloween status update on Saturday, 10.22.11 @ 12:45pm

bets living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Category: Halloween status update on Saturday, 10.22.11 @ 12:44pm

It must be impossible to stand out as a prostitute working on Halloween.
Category: Halloween status update on Saturday, 10.22.11 @ 12:44pm

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