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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I wish these people would stop buying these old police cruisers, making me crap my pants and drive safely for no good reason!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.23.18 @ 08:21am

Kids today will never know the struggle of flipping a cassette tape in a Walk-Man will riding on a bicycle at the same time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.23.18 @ 03:07am

I've gotten to the age where, "Snap, Crackle & Pop", aren't the sounds of my breakfast cereal, but rather the sounds my body makes getting out of bed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.20.18 @ 13:19pm

I once fell into an upholstery machine but now I'm fully recovered
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.15.18 @ 08:50am

I was walking in the forest and I found a skull! I called the police and they told me not to move it. Well, I already had moved it, but I was scared to tell them that, so I picked it up carefully by one of the antlers and put it back exactly where it was.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.10.18 @ 09:08am

My bootleg copy of Bohemian Rhapsody sucks - all I can see is a little silhouetto of a man.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.4.18 @ 14:07pm

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 17:28pm

The young couple next door to me recently made a sex tape. They don't know about it yet though!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.29.18 @ 10:33am

So sick of Black Friday shopping and this year I decided to shop with Amazon. No fights, no crowds, no rushes, great deals! It's amazing you can get by following their delivery truck.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.25.18 @ 17:58pm

I love Halloween. It's the only night of the year I can wear a wedding dress without looking desperate. 😵😨😳🤔😡🤢
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.24.18 @ 07:28am

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If ever you see me sniffing your butt, drinking out the toilet or peeing on a tree, please donít get offended... my dog is my therapist
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.18.18 @ 02:48am

I plan on leaving this world the same way I came in...buck naked screaming and peeing on everything thing in sight..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.18.18 @ 02:46am

Real men don't photoshop!
Posted By: Steve W. - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.17.18 @ 22:45pm

In Trinidad and Tobago, it will cost you $2.50 for a steak pie. In Jamaica, it will cost you $3.50 for a steak pie. These are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.17.18 @ 03:19am

The beef burrito is made with beef. The chicken burrito is made with chicken. The Monster Burrito is therefore quite disappointing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.16.18 @ 09:03am

Why has there not been a horror movie called The Wrath Of Grapes?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.16.18 @ 00:34am

I found a way to get rid of junk laying around the house. Seal it up in an Amazon box and set it on the porch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.14.18 @ 19:04pm

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? DONUTS!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.12.18 @ 07:21am

Next time I am going set my clocks back to when I was 14. I want to ruin my life differently, I have new ideas.!
Posted By: JD - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.4.18 @ 07:40am

I just one 2 bucks on the multimillion dollar lottery ticket. Please respect our privacy as our family decides how to move forward in this excited and pivotal moment in our life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.3.18 @ 20:01pm

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