i think instead of''LOL''i am going to go with''SALTS''(smiled a little then stopped)it,s more truthful.

The CEO of NASCAR was arrested for DWI. I bet the police found him driving really fast in circles.

Mallzheimers: When you go to the mall and later forget where you parked your car.

The inventor of throat lozenges has passed away. There will be no coffin at his funeral

Went to my doctors for my annual checkup. Doctor grabbed my testicles and said, “Yup! You’re still nuts. See you next year.”

One night I was in bed and looked up to the stars. I thought to my self where the hell is the roof

People on Facebook think I’m a nice guy, it’s true...You can be anything online

Once I ate a whole banana, skin and all. I found it quite unappeeling.

I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.

Now that i have lost weight is it a wise choice to buy new jeans or put the weight back on?

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

        www.multiplechoicetrivia.com

I won the dry t-shirt contest at church camp, said no one ever.

Dear sneeze, If you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and leave it at that. Sincerely, I look like an idiot.

you will always remember your first crush. Mine was Orange

Dear Refrigerator, I'll be back in half an hour. Please go shopping... Sincerely, hungry.

The Homerun Derby would be a lot more interesting if, instead of kids, they had a bunch of drunken 40 year old men chasing after the fly balls.

I tried standup comedy but got tired and had to sit down.

One day many years ago there was a man who didn't drink any beer. But it was many years ago and it was only for that one day...

It's so damn hot out, 2 Hobbits just threw a ring in my backyard!

I held the door for a Millennial today at the convenience store.......he asked me for my phone number so he could text me “thank you”

So I had a romantic candle light dinner with an Amish woman and she acted like it was just an ordinary meal...