I wish these people would stop buying these old police cruisers, making me crap my pants and drive safely for no good reason!

Kids today will never know the struggle of flipping a cassette tape in a Walk-Man will riding on a bicycle at the same time.

I've gotten to the age where, "Snap, Crackle & Pop", aren't the sounds of my breakfast cereal, but rather the sounds my body makes getting out of bed.

I once fell into an upholstery machine but now I'm fully recovered

I was walking in the forest and I found a skull! I called the police and they told me not to move it. Well, I already had moved it, but I was scared to tell them that, so I picked it up carefully by one of the antlers and put it back exactly where it was.

My bootleg copy of Bohemian Rhapsody sucks - all I can see is a little silhouetto of a man.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

The young couple next door to me recently made a sex tape. They don't know about it yet though!

So sick of Black Friday shopping and this year I decided to shop with Amazon. No fights, no crowds, no rushes, great deals! It's amazing you can get by following their delivery truck.

I love Halloween. It's the only night of the year I can wear a wedding dress without looking desperate. 😵😨😳🤔😡🤢

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site

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If ever you see me sniffing your butt, drinking out the toilet or peeing on a tree, please don’t get offended... my dog is my therapist

I plan on leaving this world the same way I came in...buck naked screaming and peeing on everything thing in sight..

Real men don't photoshop!

In Trinidad and Tobago, it will cost you $2.50 for a steak pie. In Jamaica, it will cost you $3.50 for a steak pie. These are the pie rates of the Carribean.

The beef burrito is made with beef. The chicken burrito is made with chicken. The Monster Burrito is therefore quite disappointing.

Why has there not been a horror movie called The Wrath Of Grapes?

I found a way to get rid of junk laying around the house. Seal it up in an Amazon box and set it on the porch.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? DONUTS!

Next time I am going set my clocks back to when I was 14. I want to ruin my life differently, I have new ideas.!

I just one 2 bucks on the multimillion dollar lottery ticket. Please respect our privacy as our family decides how to move forward in this excited and pivotal moment in our life.