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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I tried standup comedy but got tired and had to sit down.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.11.18 @ 11:51am

One day many years ago there was a man who didn't drink any beer. But it was many years ago and it was only for that one day...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.9.18 @ 08:58am

It's so damn hot out, 2 Hobbits just threw a ring in my backyard!
Posted By: Lonnie Root - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.1.18 @ 12:33pm

I held the door for a Millennial today at the convenience store.......he asked me for my phone number so he could text me “thank you”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.27.18 @ 15:31pm

So I had a romantic candle light dinner with an Amish woman and she acted like it was just an ordinary meal...
Posted By: Mr sharp - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.26.18 @ 14:59pm

This guy was giving me lip, so I flexed on him and the next thing I know I'm laying on the ground with leg cramps.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.24.18 @ 10:12am

Gonna make a crossover between Frozen and Twilight and call it Frostbite.
Posted By: Matt McKechnie - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.18.18 @ 16:10pm

i don't know but i've been told a green grass hopper has a green grass hole
Posted By: keith a. smart - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.17.18 @ 11:18am

I just bought a microwave bed - 8 hours sleep in 12 minutes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.13.18 @ 11:35am

I've hit a wall today, literally.. the brakes went on my bike
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.12.18 @ 05:16am

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some days I wake up and feel like I have been run over..the fact that I wake up in the road sometimes could be a clue
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.12.18 @ 05:03am

A lot of people have baggage , including me ..... but at least I don’t own stock in a suitcase’s!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.10.18 @ 13:37pm

The pollen this year is out of control, after my hour run outside I looked like a giant cotton ball
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.10.18 @ 05:54am

Have you ever wondered what a clam is thinking while he's being steamed? Like, man!! , its getting really hot in here. Did I fall into a volcano or something??!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.7.18 @ 13:49pm

Looks like Batman forgot to pay his power bill,it's gonna be a Dark Knight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.3.18 @ 05:10am

I'm about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a head with no ears
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.1.18 @ 12:41pm

(I'm a guy) Woke up this morning really sick, tired, hot and have a splitting headache. Checked Google for answers and apparently i'm pregnant. Great, that's all i need!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.31.18 @ 04:13am

Man is it hot outside. Unfortunately, I didn't take a screenshot of the temperature, nor did I take a picture of my dashboard thermometer so you're just going to have to take my word for it.
Posted By: Josh - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.29.18 @ 19:20pm

at the end of the day - it gets dark
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.23.18 @ 05:31am

I wonder how Prince Harry feels that at the royal bachelor party, the pound notes that he slips into the stripper's g-string all have pictures of his grandmother.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.22.18 @ 20:28pm

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