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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I just bought a microwave bed - 8 hours sleep in 12 minutes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.13.18 @ 11:35am

I've hit a wall today, literally.. the brakes went on my bike
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.12.18 @ 05:16am

some days I wake up and feel like I have been run over..the fact that I wake up in the road sometimes could be a clue
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.12.18 @ 05:03am

A lot of people have baggage , including me ..... but at least I don’t own stock in a suitcase’s!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.10.18 @ 13:37pm

The pollen this year is out of control, after my hour run outside I looked like a giant cotton ball
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.10.18 @ 05:54am

Have you ever wondered what a clam is thinking while he's being steamed? Like, man!! , its getting really hot in here. Did I fall into a volcano or something??!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.7.18 @ 13:49pm

Looks like Batman forgot to pay his power bill,it's gonna be a Dark Knight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.3.18 @ 05:10am

I'm about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a head with no ears
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.1.18 @ 12:41pm

(I'm a guy) Woke up this morning really sick, tired, hot and have a splitting headache. Checked Google for answers and apparently i'm pregnant. Great, that's all i need!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.31.18 @ 04:13am

Man is it hot outside. Unfortunately, I didn't take a screenshot of the temperature, nor did I take a picture of my dashboard thermometer so you're just going to have to take my word for it.
Posted By: Josh - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.29.18 @ 19:20pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
at the end of the day - it gets dark
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.23.18 @ 05:31am

I wonder how Prince Harry feels that at the royal bachelor party, the pound notes that he slips into the stripper's g-string all have pictures of his grandmother.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.22.18 @ 20:28pm

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those ones magically live forever!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.20.18 @ 04:43am

My contact lenses fell in the toilet. Now I can't see shit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.18.18 @ 08:06am

"I'll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.16.18 @ 12:06pm

My tax adviser asked if I had any shares. I told her I have 125 shares in Facebook - and over 1,200 likes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.16.18 @ 12:04pm

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 05.4.18 @ 07:51am

My wife said "let's go somewhere expensive tonight!" I'm taking her to the gas station.
Posted By: Pete H - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.2.18 @ 09:45am

I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you'll never convince me a chicken fried this rice.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.1.18 @ 22:38pm

Haven't you noticed that all those people in favor of abortion have already been born?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.1.18 @ 10:39am

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