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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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a lady asked me if i was an alcoholic ,i retorted wine-o
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 18:48pm

If I ever post something that sickens you, please let me know before it goes viral.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 12:28pm

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.11.17 @ 18:11pm

You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.8.17 @ 16:29pm

I'm not saying I'm a thug, but I spent the first two years of my life behind bars.
Posted By: Kama - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.7.17 @ 20:58pm

Will you marry me = a marriage proposal. Will, you, Mary, me? = A foursome inquiry
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.2.17 @ 23:51pm

Be yourself... Everyone else is already taken
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.1.17 @ 22:46pm

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.31.17 @ 18:46pm

How hard would it have been for one of the counselors to say, "Hey, somebody should check up on that Voorhees kid."
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.29.17 @ 09:27am

A blind guy walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair....
Posted By: Brianlion - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.28.17 @ 08:55am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying right now I swear to God..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.25.17 @ 05:49am

Hating people takes too much energy . I just pretend they're dead .
Posted By: Guest Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:49pm

Hell hath no fury like a woman mad for no particular reason.
Posted By: Guest-Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:31pm

I hope my friends who have profile pictures as cars are Autobots and not Decepticons!
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.10.17 @ 21:51pm

Darn autocorrect. Now the wife thinks I'm going fisting with the guys this weekend
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.10.17 @ 11:44am

I love cats, i just can't eat a whole one by myself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.27.17 @ 15:53pm

So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.25.17 @ 20:45pm

Wife: do i look fat in these jeans?.....husban: dont blame it on those jeans..i seen you naked..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.24.17 @ 09:18am

Today I felt like the butcher who backed into his grinder... I got a little behind in my work.
Posted By: rvellano - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.22.17 @ 14:29pm

Mondays are middle finger approved
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.21.17 @ 03:27am

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