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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Hating people takes too much energy . I just pretend they're dead .
Posted By: Guest Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:49pm

Hell hath no fury like a woman mad for no particular reason.
Posted By: Guest-Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:31pm

I hope my friends who have profile pictures as cars are Autobots and not Decepticons!
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.10.17 @ 21:51pm

Darn autocorrect. Now the wife thinks I'm going fisting with the guys this weekend
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.10.17 @ 11:44am

I love cats, i just can't eat a whole one by myself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.27.17 @ 15:53pm

So on "The Bachelor," a guy gets to make out with 20 different hot women and each one of them is convinced that he'd be the perfect husband. And this is a "reality" show?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.25.17 @ 20:45pm

Wife: do i look fat in these jeans?.....husban: dont blame it on those jeans..i seen you naked..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.24.17 @ 09:18am

Today I felt like the butcher who backed into his grinder... I got a little behind in my work.
Posted By: rvellano - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.22.17 @ 14:29pm

Mondays are middle finger approved
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.21.17 @ 03:27am

So this mechanic told me that my engine was missing. I opened the hood to show him that it wasn't. He also tried to tell me that my tires needed to be rotated. They do that all day while I drive around. Nobody's going to rip me off, man.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.17.17 @ 10:04am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Too old for Snapchat, too young for life alert
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.30.17 @ 06:26am

I got booted from my job at the computer company, they hired me back but then I got rebooted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.27.17 @ 08:15am

I've got an 8-Track mind in an MP3 world.............
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.19.17 @ 07:27am

I see way to many women these day that paint on their eyebrows in such a way it looks like they are being sponcered by Nike
Posted By: coolguy bearup - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.17.17 @ 11:29am

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.15.17 @ 22:45pm

Do you think when Santa feels a little naughty he goes to the strip club for milfs and cookies?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.15.17 @ 20:28pm

That moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Posted By: Karo - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.14.17 @ 15:28pm

There's no way EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting. You know there was at least one guy hiding in a corner thinking "Man, I don't want none of this."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.12.17 @ 15:29pm

I followed a car driving so slow today the driver could have been cited for loitering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.11.17 @ 20:43pm

MScientists are now saying vegetarians are more likely to develop depression opposed to conventional eaters. Well DUH. If everyone around me was eating bacon and I couldn't, I would be depressed too.
Posted By: Jokersonfire - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.11.17 @ 11:42am

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