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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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So this mechanic told me that my engine was missing. I opened the hood to show him that it wasn't. He also tried to tell me that my tires needed to be rotated. They do that all day while I drive around. Nobody's going to rip me off, man.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.17.17 @ 10:04am

Too old for Snapchat, too young for life alert
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.30.17 @ 06:26am

I got booted from my job at the computer company, they hired me back but then I got rebooted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.27.17 @ 08:15am

I've got an 8-Track mind in an MP3 world.............
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.19.17 @ 07:27am

I see way to many women these day that paint on their eyebrows in such a way it looks like they are being sponcered by Nike
Posted By: coolguy bearup - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.17.17 @ 11:29am

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.15.17 @ 22:45pm

Do you think when Santa feels a little naughty he goes to the strip club for milfs and cookies?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.15.17 @ 20:28pm

That moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
Posted By: Karo - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.14.17 @ 15:28pm

There's no way EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting. You know there was at least one guy hiding in a corner thinking "Man, I don't want none of this."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.12.17 @ 15:29pm

I followed a car driving so slow today the driver could have been cited for loitering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.11.17 @ 20:43pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
MScientists are now saying vegetarians are more likely to develop depression opposed to conventional eaters. Well DUH. If everyone around me was eating bacon and I couldn't, I would be depressed too.
Posted By: Jokersonfire - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.11.17 @ 11:42am

My credit is so bad the bank wouldn't even loan me a pen to sign my check.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.9.17 @ 18:32pm

When you like your own FB statue to show others that it was a good post.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.9.17 @ 12:12pm

My sex life have become so non-existent that I welcome sexual harrasent between 9am-5pm during business hours
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.8.17 @ 08:34am

Apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response... Who knew??
Posted By: DJ Mikey - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.6.17 @ 10:30am

I'd share a joke about affordable healthcare but not everyone will get it.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.5.17 @ 08:08am

My business is not your business. So unless your my thong, don't be up my ass.
Posted By: Jaclyn marie - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.4.17 @ 12:09pm

Iím not lazy, Iím just on energy saving mode.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.3.17 @ 23:53pm

I went to the doctor to get my yearly exam today. The doctor told me I was going to have to quit masturbating. Not understanding the harm and in total disbelief I asked my doctor why. He yelled at me "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.31.17 @ 18:57pm

Men are like linoleum, if you lay them right you can walk on them for 30 years.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.29.17 @ 11:44am

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