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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You keep saying that I use words in the wrong way, but can you please be a little more Pacific?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.1.17 @ 17:17pm

Life is like a series of days, one after another.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.1.17 @ 14:55pm

You follow instructions very well... are you married?
Posted By: Feller - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.28.17 @ 18:28pm

If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You ?
Posted By: XxN1GG3RxX - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.23.17 @ 10:23am

How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.21.17 @ 20:59pm

Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.20.17 @ 06:39am

You know it was a rough night when your IPhone doesn't recognize you in the morning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.19.17 @ 08:12am

a lady asked me if i was an alcoholic ,i retorted wine-o
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 18:48pm

If I ever post something that sickens you, please let me know before it goes viral.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 12:28pm

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.11.17 @ 18:11pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.8.17 @ 16:29pm

I'm not saying I'm a thug, but I spent the first two years of my life behind bars.
Posted By: Kama - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.7.17 @ 20:58pm

Will you marry me = a marriage proposal. Will, you, Mary, me? = A foursome inquiry
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.2.17 @ 23:51pm

Be yourself... Everyone else is already taken
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.1.17 @ 22:46pm

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.31.17 @ 18:46pm

How hard would it have been for one of the counselors to say, "Hey, somebody should check up on that Voorhees kid."
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.29.17 @ 09:27am

A blind guy walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair....
Posted By: Brianlion - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.28.17 @ 08:55am

My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying right now I swear to God..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.25.17 @ 05:49am

Hating people takes too much energy . I just pretend they're dead .
Posted By: Guest Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:49pm

Hell hath no fury like a woman mad for no particular reason.
Posted By: Guest-Zahra Jamil - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.17.17 @ 12:31pm

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