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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Im a responsible person. People are always saying I know youre responsible for this.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.7.16 @ 15:19pm

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.6.16 @ 20:45pm

Great thing about Tuesday sex is that no matter how long, quick, good or bad it may be, there's always someplace serving cheap tacos.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.5.16 @ 22:14pm

When you check your weather app to see if it's still raining, Coz the curtains are closed and you can't be bothered to get up.....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.3.16 @ 10:26am

If you're still writing 2015 on your checks, remember it's 2016 now. And you don't need to be wasting time slowing down the line writing checks. Get a debit card already. It's 2016!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.3.16 @ 08:36am

I haven't eaten an apple in days. The doctors are closing in. I don't think my barricades will last much longer. Tell my family I love them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.3.16 @ 03:00am

This year my New Year's Resolution is to not commit to any New Year's Resolutions............................................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.2.16 @ 18:35pm

How about this for a New Years Resolution: every time you say a cuss word you do 10 push ups, 10 sit ups, 10 lunges.... you will either have a really fabulous body or stop saying curse words. Either way it's a win win :p
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.31.15 @ 18:59pm

Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Posted By: shirlgirl - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.30.15 @ 16:45pm

DOC: The plastic surgery will cost you 90k.ME: What if ? provide you with the plastics, how much will you charge?
Posted By: Destinez - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.28.15 @ 04:18am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Wife said she wanted some Hot Steamy Action. Apparently bringing her the Ironing wasn't what she meant. This couch isn't so bad...
Posted By: Neil - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.26.15 @ 06:05am

I am proud to announce that I can now speak fluent autocorrect!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.25.15 @ 19:46pm

Remember those times when Apple and Blackberry where merely fruits
Posted By: Viktor Jay Zulu - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.24.15 @ 03:29am

You know it's almost Christmas when the first spongebob Christmas episode is on
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.22.15 @ 21:42pm

Come to Burger King we let everybody keep their crown Steve Harvey!
Posted By: CCC - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.22.15 @ 21:19pm

Figuring the circumference of a circle is as easy as pi.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.22.15 @ 08:39am

I tried to embrace my inner child today. The lil bastard bit me!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.19.15 @ 18:20pm

On the twelve day of Christmas facebook gave to me Twelve freaks I'm blocking, Eleven friend just lurking, Ten corny topics, Nine phony friendships, Eight friends complaining, Six music invites Fiiiive drama queeeeeens Four game request, Three photo tags, Two friends just pokng And their sponsored adds in my side baaaar!
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.18.15 @ 21:31pm

Apparently superheroes don't understand what underwear means.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.18.15 @ 08:34am

Just a heads up. Enterprise, (car rental) will not come pick you up and drop you off at the movie theater. I tried.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.17.15 @ 14:25pm

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