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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you sleep with your socks on, please unfollow. I do not support you or your wicked lifestyle. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 09:02am

Advice to men: If a woman ever says "Are you wearing that?" it should never be worn. It's best to throw it away now. Trust me on this one. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 09:02am

Just stirred my coffee with a fork. So if any of you guys are looking for a new gangsta bad boy to join your crew, just let me know. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:55am

Does it sound creepy to say ďI canít believe Iím in your houseÖ and this time youíre awake.Ē #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:52am

I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally....itís just that I'm at the ice cream store. #Thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:48am

If Facebook has taught us anything, it's that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Speling Bee.
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:47am

When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body get weak and hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm unfit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.16.16 @ 00:29am

I'm doing a marathon today!! 14 hours of Law & Order SVU!
Posted By: alaskabaybe - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.15.16 @ 08:36am

I met a new family, Angie and Jessie and their daughter Stacey. I couldn't stop singing. (think about it)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.11.16 @ 12:02pm

With a subtle stroke he wiped her tears away, and accidentally her eyebrows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.9.16 @ 18:29pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
If you see a table of people all staring at their phones, sit down and fart, they will talk to you.
Posted By: Bartelsandjams - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 11:58am

If one door opens and another one closes, your place is friggin haunted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.29.16 @ 09:59am

what part of this message wants to make you go and do it - Your latest bills are now ready to view online:
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.29.16 @ 06:26am

I just have one favor to ask. If you're gonna wear a wig, at least TRY to fool me...
Posted By: Keith Mayfield - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.25.16 @ 13:00pm

at the hospital, i parked in the C section of their parking lot..... so naturally i had to climb out of the sunroof.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.25.16 @ 12:56pm

When I was a kid, there was a "SLOW CHILDREN" sign in front of our house......I kinda took it personal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.23.16 @ 21:08pm

I'm going to celebrate Tom's birthday today. I don't know Tom but his name is on the day-old birthday cake I got from the bakery today.
Posted By: alaskabaybe - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.23.16 @ 11:25am

As I stood here looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought. Any minute now they're gonna throw me out of this ikea...
Posted By: Bill Smith - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 21:42pm

My trainer said dieting is a piece of cake......So I'm ordering cakes for dinner
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:31pm

I dieted for a month...........After all the hard work, I finally lost 30 days
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:29pm

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