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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My favorite part about Halloween is seeing all the confused Jehovah's Witnesses wandering around, wondering why people keep giving them candy!
Posted By: Yomama - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.31.18 @ 16:31pm

I never realized how many orphaned highways we have until I noticed all the signs of people who've proudly adopted them.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.29.18 @ 13:00pm

A wise man once told me to always listen carefully becauseÖumÖI forgot
Posted By: Mark Pritchard - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.27.18 @ 06:36am

My girlfriend wanted me to take her somewhere expensive for dinner so I took her to the grocery store
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.26.18 @ 15:08pm

Don't accept any friend requests from Taco Bell. They're nacho friend!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.23.18 @ 15:42pm

The key to success is concentration, a skill which can be learned with - oh wow, that cloud looks like Snoopy!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.20.18 @ 05:55am

I told my doctor I think I have sleep apnea. He asked if I was always tired. Yes. Do you fall asleep during sex? No, but she does.
Posted By: ROBCOG - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.19.18 @ 13:20pm

Calm down mechanic guy. I'm just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other stuff wrong with my car I would turn down the radio.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.14.18 @ 20:43pm

I remember having wild parties drinking , drugs and doing dumb things, when I went to school, Now that I think about it, I was homeschooled
Posted By: CCC - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.26.18 @ 09:39am

I like watching porn in Closed Caption. They way those people in CC world has to type all those moans, groans and dirty words out....
Posted By: JC - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.22.18 @ 08:17am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
In the news: A seafood restaurant owner in Maine has been giving marijuana to her lobsters to keep them calm before boiling them. For the record, Iíve had stoned crab before but never stoned lobster.
Posted By: CCC - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.20.18 @ 18:35pm

"The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked "what's wrong" is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit-storm that's coming."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.19.18 @ 17:26pm

Can you block FB's, Sugested friends list. Asking for a friend, of a freind of a friend, for a friend. I don't want.
Posted By: ben - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.19.18 @ 12:05pm

Itís the most wonderful time of the year. Wait, I mean have a great first day kids.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.6.18 @ 03:31am

dont give up to your dream, keep sleeping
Posted By: sudeep dhakal - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 09.4.18 @ 01:13am

Dating a slim girls is very risky we dont know either she come for food or real love
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.19.18 @ 01:29am

i think instead of''LOL''i am going to go with''SALTS''(smiled a little then stopped)it,s more truthful.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.11.18 @ 09:56am

The CEO of NASCAR was arrested for DWI. I bet the police found him driving really fast in circles.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.6.18 @ 13:39pm

Mallzheimers: When you go to the mall and later forget where you parked your car.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.6.18 @ 11:47am

The inventor of throat lozenges has passed away. There will be no coffin at his funeral
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.4.18 @ 14:25pm

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