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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I went vegan for two hours today. Then I had a steak after my two hour nap.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.25.17 @ 21:27pm

so I asked this frenchman if he liked video games; he said "wii"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.25.17 @ 07:26am

I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.22.17 @ 08:35am

I'm not funny. I'm very mean and people think I'm joking
Posted By: Mendy Kay - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.21.17 @ 18:18pm

Life would be a lot easier if people had a tail so you can see whether or not it's wagging after you did or said something.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 03:56am

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who pissed you off in the first place?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.14.17 @ 08:15am

Life is like a bowl of soup, you only get blown if you're hot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.12.17 @ 18:04pm

Camping out - is when you spend lots of money to look homeless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 09:10am

Being an adult is pretty easy when you think about it. You just feel tired all the time, tell people how tired you are and listen to them tell you how tired they are.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.9.17 @ 09:15am

My doctor asked me if i was a hard drinker? i said no, i find it very easy..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 07.7.17 @ 15:22pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Life is like a box of chocolates... I don't have a box of chocolates either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.30.17 @ 15:59pm

That awkward moment between birth and death!!
Posted By: Youss - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.30.17 @ 08:26am

I want a treadmill powered by Netflix account which only plays shows when I run. I'll call it SweatFlix. Somebody get on this..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.29.17 @ 00:45am

I want my girlfriend to look at guys the way taxi drivers look at me when I ask for a free lift
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.27.17 @ 01:09am

Marriage: She finishes my Sentences, I finish her Sandwiches..............
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.24.17 @ 14:03pm

I took acid and now I completely understand where Dr. Doolittle was coming from.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.20.17 @ 15:19pm

Netflix needs a "chill" off button. They keep asking if I'm still watching. Yes Netflix! I'm home alone stop rubbing it in!
Posted By: Lisa Felix - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.20.17 @ 10:49am

Cooking too much bacon is like trying to stick your elbow in your ear... It just ain't gonna happen!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.19.17 @ 14:45pm

I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.15.17 @ 00:16am

It is always a good policy to count to 10 when you are angry, but don't choke them any longer than that..................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.13.17 @ 16:03pm

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