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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My credit is so bad the bank wouldn't even loan me a pen to sign my check.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.9.17 @ 18:32pm

When you like your own FB statue to show others that it was a good post.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.9.17 @ 12:12pm

My sex life have become so non-existent that I welcome sexual harrasent between 9am-5pm during business hours
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.8.17 @ 08:34am

Apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn't the best response... Who knew??
Posted By: DJ Mikey - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.6.17 @ 10:30am

I'd share a joke about affordable healthcare but not everyone will get it.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.5.17 @ 08:08am

My business is not your business. So unless your my thong, don't be up my ass.
Posted By: Jaclyn marie - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 08.4.17 @ 12:09pm

Iím not lazy, Iím just on energy saving mode.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.3.17 @ 23:53pm

I went to the doctor to get my yearly exam today. The doctor told me I was going to have to quit masturbating. Not understanding the harm and in total disbelief I asked my doctor why. He yelled at me "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.31.17 @ 18:57pm

Men are like linoleum, if you lay them right you can walk on them for 30 years.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.29.17 @ 11:44am

Feeling ripped off !!! I just sat down to have some breakfast and realize ALL my Alphabits are "O"s .......... OOPS , never mind I grabbed the Cheerios by mistake .
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.29.17 @ 08:58am

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Was out drinking today then I took the bus home. Might not seem like a big deal to you but I never drivin a bus before!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.29.17 @ 00:55am

My parents are always bragging about how the things they did in their life were so perfect, yet here i am
Posted By: WhiteCitrine - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.28.17 @ 20:54pm

I went vegan for two hours today. Then I had a steak after my two hour nap.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.25.17 @ 21:27pm

so I asked this frenchman if he liked video games; he said "wii"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.25.17 @ 07:26am

I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.22.17 @ 08:35am

I'm not funny. I'm very mean and people think I'm joking
Posted By: Mendy Kay - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.21.17 @ 18:18pm

Life would be a lot easier if people had a tail so you can see whether or not it's wagging after you did or said something.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.17.17 @ 03:56am

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who pissed you off in the first place?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.14.17 @ 08:15am

Life is like a bowl of soup, you only get blown if you're hot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.12.17 @ 18:04pm

Camping out - is when you spend lots of money to look homeless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.10.17 @ 09:10am

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