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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Stats show that the average person has sex 89 times a year. Looks like I'm in store for a wild December.
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:41am

Always jingle all the way...nobody likes a half-a$$ed jingler.
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:39am

If your EX calls you at 2AM saying they can't sleep, tell them to read Isaiah 48:22, "There is no rest for the wicked".
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:37am

It's so cold outside that the hookers downtown are charging 20 bucks just to blow on your hands.
Posted By: Guest...:D - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:27am

You keep saying that I use words in the wrong way, but can you please be a little more Pacific?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.1.17 @ 17:17pm

Life is like a series of days, one after another.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.1.17 @ 14:55pm

You follow instructions very well... are you married?
Posted By: Feller - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.28.17 @ 18:28pm

If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You ?
Posted By: XxN1GG3RxX - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.23.17 @ 10:23am

How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.21.17 @ 20:59pm

Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.20.17 @ 06:39am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
You know it was a rough night when your IPhone doesn't recognize you in the morning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.19.17 @ 08:12am

a lady asked me if i was an alcoholic ,i retorted wine-o
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 18:48pm

If I ever post something that sickens you, please let me know before it goes viral.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.14.17 @ 12:28pm

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.11.17 @ 18:11pm

You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.8.17 @ 16:29pm

I'm not saying I'm a thug, but I spent the first two years of my life behind bars.
Posted By: Kama - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.7.17 @ 20:58pm

Will you marry me = a marriage proposal. Will, you, Mary, me? = A foursome inquiry
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.2.17 @ 23:51pm

Be yourself... Everyone else is already taken
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.1.17 @ 22:46pm

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.31.17 @ 18:46pm

How hard would it have been for one of the counselors to say, "Hey, somebody should check up on that Voorhees kid."
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.29.17 @ 09:27am

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