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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Hi sisters. brothers , Uncle ,Aunt Thank you for reading i have nothing to say
Posted By: nonni yanaa - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 01:35am

The wife bought me an early Christmas gift......a selfie stick. It's amazing...I can now scratch areas of my body that I could never reach before!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.28.16 @ 11:58am

My sex life could be better if my wife would just get along with my girlfriend.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.28.16 @ 10:54am

OH MY GOD! IT'S ALIENS! They're here, they're right outside! I can see their ship. It has flickering light that . . . wait a sec . . . Yep, that's a plane.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.26.16 @ 06:55am

No shoes No shirt no service but where does it say anything about assless chaps..I yelled to the manager as I was being forced out
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.22.16 @ 17:37pm

Monica Lewensky has just announced she won't vote for Hillary Clinton. She says the last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.20.16 @ 16:14pm

That moment when you realize that the person who you were talking to left the room a few minutes ago.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.20.16 @ 10:46am

Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.17.16 @ 05:55am

its good to know that your ex is dating someone you can draw with your left hand
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.17.16 @ 05:15am

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.14.16 @ 00:42am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "You're under arrest, get in the basket."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.8.16 @ 05:42am

Today I will live in the moment.....unless it's unpleasant.....and if that happens I will just eat a cookie (and wash it down with a glass of wine)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.7.16 @ 06:49am

I want to be something really scary for Halloween. So, for this year, I'm dressing up as 3% phone battery.
Posted By: @truebeachbabe - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.16 @ 12:24pm

My GPS just told me to go inside and ask for directions..........
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.16 @ 08:01am

I am not sure what I am more thankful for, my family or the medication that helps me to deal with them.......................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.5.16 @ 07:46am

Great thing about this status is once you reach the point when you realize that it is meaningless it's too late for your mind to stop reading it.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.3.16 @ 09:04am

Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.1.16 @ 11:01am

Why do people say they're "scared shitless"? As opposed to what? Being calm and full of shit? And that's supposed to be better somehow...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.29.16 @ 07:51am

it's over....I will miss you dearly, I enjoyed every day we had. I knew it wouldn't last and I tried not to think of you leaving. But last night when I crawled into bed and had to face the cold feeling I knew our time has ended.....so long summer - hello winter blankets
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.26.16 @ 07:34am

Life is like trying to get the brownie out of a TV dinner in one piece...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 09.21.16 @ 09:00am

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