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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without pointing it at myself and saying "There's one!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.4.17 @ 18:52pm

After I saw her family tree, I had the urge to buy a chainsaw and a log splitter.... the stump grinder is on back order
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.1.17 @ 07:06am

Do you ever look at your children and think "you are getting so grown, I swear I changed your diaper yesterday and now here you are ..... Changing mine?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.22.17 @ 12:14pm

I applied for a job that says "no facial hair" and must admit that shaving one's eyebrows and lashes for work is a strange request.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 21:35pm

Selfies, and drama, and memes oh my!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 12:38pm

Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
Posted By: gussyg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.19.17 @ 08:02am

I'm recording an album called "My Sinuses Unplugged."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.12.17 @ 08:02am

Hangovers are temporary. Drunk stories are forever.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.8.17 @ 12:23pm

Just think, I act this way without Drugs or Alcohol...........
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.4.17 @ 14:18pm

I hate it when my bladder goes off before the alarm clock.......
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.4.17 @ 14:18pm

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Whenever someone at work complains that another employee did a half-assed job, I always have to wonder about the size of the ass. If the idiot's ass is huge, then a half-assed job is still quite a lot of work and if the job requires driving, then he's also hauling ass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.2.17 @ 18:50pm

Happy Groundhog Day... does anyone have any recipies they would like to share?
Posted By: Don M - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.2.17 @ 18:32pm

You don't know the struggle unless you've used dish soap as shampoo.
Posted By: Ouijei - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.1.17 @ 01:01am

I think all those copy and paste this statuses you see people posting to see if their friends are paying attention to them is a sign that its time to go to the pound and get a puppy who will give them all the love and attention they need!......Copy and paste this status if you agree.
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.24.17 @ 12:05pm

Some people are like a newspaper, everyday they have a new issue.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.19.17 @ 08:39am

I almost had a threesome lastnight. I only need two more people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.12.17 @ 02:01am

How do you make Holy Water? Boil the Hell out of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.12.17 @ 01:59am

It's been a rough day... I put a shirt on and a button fell off. Picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. Picked up a book and the cover ripped off... I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.7.17 @ 03:08am

I'm going to make a chicken salad...........and then I'll probably make me one too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.6.17 @ 08:13am

I remember 2016 like it was yesterday.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.31.16 @ 22:01pm

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