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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I think all my missing socks have been reincarnated as plastic food storage lids.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.3.18 @ 09:49am

They say President Lincoln once walked three miles to pay back a penny. That makes him the last president to do anything about the debt.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.28.18 @ 21:33pm

"That microwave TV dinner was remarkably delicious and quite filling." Said no one ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.28.18 @ 09:31am

My grandfather saw the titanic and he warned everyone that it would sink but nobody would listen. He told people a few more times and then he was kicked out of the cinema...
Posted By: WJB - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.19.18 @ 10:13am

Parent spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
Posted By: Ememobong sangster - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.18.18 @ 07:15am

Did you know that if you light a candle during a full moon and say the name of the person you love three times you will look very stupid doing that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.17.18 @ 07:12am

Cupid. That makes sense to me, because nothing fills me with love more than a fat baby firing arrows at my butt.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.14.18 @ 17:01pm

In 2018, Easter and April Fool's Day are on the same day. Poor planning if Jesus decides to come back this year. Did you hear? Jesus is risen. Yea yea yea I know. April Fools!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.13.18 @ 18:40pm

If you drink too much at a bar, don't waste money on a cab. Instead, walk to the nearest Domino's and order a pizza to deliver to your house. Then ask the delivery guy if you can ride along with him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.9.18 @ 14:56pm

“Its Groundhog’s Day, I saw my own shadow. It’s official. Six more weeks of dieting.”
Posted By: Christopher Cowles - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.6.18 @ 09:48am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Marriages are like water heaters they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything thing you have.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 12:25pm

So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 07:10am

Neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink", the bartender replies, for you no charge
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 10:13am

Once my boss told me to dress for the job that I wanted, not for the job that I had. And I felt real stupid in the next sales meeting dressed like Batman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 08:58am

I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 07:01am

I lost a game of chess to my computer. But it was no match at kickboxing.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 21:08pm

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK.
Posted By: Chip - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 07:11am

In this day and age where kids expect their parents to do everything for them, it's encouraging to see them washing out their own mouths with soap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 06:00am

Down here in Africa (Sudan) some tribes refused to use toilets simply because they do not want to mix their pupu with others. they still prefer open defecation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 07:11am

I guess I shouldn't use Comet® to wash my car. I've been working on it for an hour and I've just begun to scratch the surface.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 04:59am

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