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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Bored? Broke? Do you find yourself with over 35 spare hours to fill every week? Would you like to earn hundreds of dollars every month? Then get a f*cking job like the rest of us, you lazy bastards.:)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.29.18 @ 00:38am

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.21.18 @ 12:58pm

In Japan they read sentences from the right to the left. Kind of like how Americans read a menu.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.21.18 @ 07:58am

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.20.18 @ 13:52pm

Why does my wife think that giving me the silent treatment is punishment?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.19.18 @ 19:29pm

Somewhere in Nigeria there's a prince who's depressed because nobody takes his emails seriously.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.18.18 @ 15:25pm

Decaf actually works like regular coffee if you pour a piping hot cup of it onto your lap.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.17.18 @ 09:13am

Male pattern baldness is God’s way of saying grown men shouldn’t have bangs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.16.18 @ 16:10pm

Now that Mercury is out of retrograde, you can go back to blaming other things for personal difficulties in life.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.16.18 @ 08:56am

Don't sweat the small stuff. In fact, don't sweat the big stuff either. Stop sweating on everything. That's gross.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.16.18 @ 08:13am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Never nod your head in agreement when you don't fully understand the question. That is how I got married the first time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.14.18 @ 14:47pm

I always thought air was free until I bought a bag of crisps
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.13.18 @ 05:59am

I have a friend who just happens to also be a cannibal. He told me today that he is completely fed up with people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.12.18 @ 13:10pm

safe drinking rule. "don't drink and browse"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.10.18 @ 10:20am

Last night I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed, because it was a Chinese restaurant.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 05:58am

Sometimes I awaken like a matador, wondering what kinda bull I'm gonna face during the day.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.3.18 @ 12:32pm

I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.3.18 @ 06:16am

Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.2.18 @ 06:51am

Why was the tomato red? Because it saw the salad dressing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.31.18 @ 17:41pm

I have a night light in my room because it makes me feel safe. Nothing scares a monster more than a low wattage light bulb shaped like a Donald Duck.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.31.18 @ 07:44am

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