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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Now that Mercury is out of retrograde, you can go back to blaming other things for personal difficulties in life.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.16.18 @ 08:56am

Don't sweat the small stuff. In fact, don't sweat the big stuff either. Stop sweating on everything. That's gross.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.16.18 @ 08:13am

Never nod your head in agreement when you don't fully understand the question. That is how I got married the first time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.14.18 @ 14:47pm

I always thought air was free until I bought a bag of crisps
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.13.18 @ 05:59am

I have a friend who just happens to also be a cannibal. He told me today that he is completely fed up with people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.12.18 @ 13:10pm

safe drinking rule. "don't drink and browse"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.10.18 @ 10:20am

Last night I ordered my whole dinner in French. Even the waiter was impressed, because it was a Chinese restaurant.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.4.18 @ 05:58am

Sometimes I awaken like a matador, wondering what kinda bull I'm gonna face during the day.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.3.18 @ 12:32pm

I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.3.18 @ 06:16am

Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.2.18 @ 06:51am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Why was the tomato red? Because it saw the salad dressing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.31.18 @ 17:41pm

I have a night light in my room because it makes me feel safe. Nothing scares a monster more than a low wattage light bulb shaped like a Donald Duck.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 03.31.18 @ 07:44am

Does that mean that all the other Fridays are bad?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.30.18 @ 16:10pm

Happy Good Friday... Just remember that a rabbit came back from the dead to make sure kids painted eggs back in 1492.
Posted By: Corey - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.30.18 @ 06:47am

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan should do a remake of "You've Got Mail" called "Swipe Right" where he plays the owner of a once-relevant chain of brick-and-mortar bookstores and she plays the CEO of a big online marketplace that's putting him out of business.
Posted By: Miguel - Category: funny status updates saying on Wednesday, 03.28.18 @ 16:05pm

Yesterday I bought a pack of two pillow cases but when I opened it there was only one. What a sham!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.28.18 @ 08:04am

Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid; I was petrified
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status updates saying on Monday, 03.26.18 @ 17:05pm

I Wish women would label their products better in the bathroom, just borrowed my wife’s underarm deodorant in the pink bottle with the roll-on, did not know Nair Hair removal came in a Roll-On !!!
Posted By: Christopher Cowles - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.25.18 @ 18:02pm

Why does everyone keep asking me how to change their clock? My Betamax has been blinking midnight since 1983...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.11.18 @ 19:06pm

I didn't change my clocks because I decided to relive the past. There are so many things I'm going to do differently this time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.11.18 @ 14:01pm

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