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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Dolly Parton was arrested for drug possession today. Police said it was the bigest bust they've seen in years...
Posted By: Brian Smith - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.3.16 @ 17:46pm

You should really think about getting a new Dr when you are sitting in the waiting room and look over and see a dead plant.
Posted By: coolguy bearup - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.2.16 @ 12:15pm

People who say a women is the weaker sex has never tried to get the covers back off her in the middle of the night!
Posted By: coolguy bearup - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.2.16 @ 12:09pm

Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the battery is dead?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.1.16 @ 16:28pm

I've gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing... (An.) #thedailyjeff (More at thedailyjeff.net)
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 09.1.16 @ 12:17pm

Apparently, it is insensitive to walk into a nursing home dressed as the Grim Reaper......................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.31.16 @ 15:50pm

I’ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities. (Robert Zunick) #thedailyjeff (More at thedailyjeff.net)
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.30.16 @ 08:32am

I hate how chocolate immediatly melt on my fingers... I mean, Am i that hot?
Posted By: Young boy - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.29.16 @ 12:31pm

If you're buying Smart Water for $4 a bottle...I'm sorry to tell you this but it's not working. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 08.24.16 @ 07:31am

A Mexican magician counted, uno, dos, and then vanished without a tres.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.20.16 @ 13:46pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Has anybody ever come home from Disney World smelling like Pooh?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status question saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 18:06pm

A friend of mine told me he got a new Thesaurus….Man, I wish I had a dinosaur too! ‪#‎thedailyjeff‬
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 10:15am

I sent a text to a friend of mine whose aunt had a heart attack. It was supposed to say, “How’s your aunt doing?” Somehow I hit the C instead of A. Truly awkward. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 10:08am

Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 05:42am

What is your favorite childhood memory? Mine is not paying bills. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.11.16 @ 07:51am

4 things you need to give your cat a bath...... (1) A cat of course. (2) A tub. (3) Water. (4) Band-Aids, lots of Band-Aids................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.9.16 @ 02:15am

My wife told me that I am "Childish and need to grow up", all that coming from someone who has girl germs and cooties..........
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.8.16 @ 19:08pm

This is the worst dating website ever!
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.4.16 @ 01:18am

I was never one to always do what I am told. It paid off for me today when I was walking down a hallway and saw a sign that read "Wet Floor"............................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 16:49pm

I don’t care what people think of me…at least mosquitoes find me really attractive. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 08:39am

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