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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I never fail to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 19:29pm

I don't get people that say "they were busting their ass"? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 11:47am

Saw I sign which read "This door is alarmed" so I gently rubbed it letting it know everything is going to be fine.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 13:05pm

Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 07:38am

I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.9.18 @ 15:33pm

Bet you can keep the the "Funny" & "Not Funny" number even
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.7.18 @ 12:15pm

I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks.....now I wake up feeling like a bounced check
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.3.18 @ 08:35am

I remember 2017 like it was yesterday
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.1.18 @ 19:17pm

Been to the gym doing leg exercises, my Psychiatrist said I was "Unstable", so yeah, I took the initiative.................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.1.18 @ 15:23pm

Back before the internet I owned a newspaper. Once I used it to to whap my dog after he peed on the carpet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.30.17 @ 16:09pm

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There are 361 days until Christmas and people already have their lights up. This is getting ridiculous.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.27.17 @ 06:11am

My new party trick: I swallow 2 pieces of string. An hour later, they come out of my butt, tied together. I shit you knot!!
Posted By: R. Crew - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.24.17 @ 10:15am

Today I did nothing...I will continue tomorrow doing nothing...as I am NOT a quitter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.15.17 @ 10:28am

when my child drinks her baby bottle and passes out afterwards my wife becomes happy but when i drink my bottle and pas out my wife has a problem with that.
Posted By: Mich - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.14.17 @ 07:01am

Censorship is truly █████████ and that's all I've got to say about it.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.13.17 @ 14:39pm

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
Posted By: Tricia D - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.13.17 @ 07:28am

never change to be accepted by others... Stay weird
Posted By: Solomon Swan - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.8.17 @ 11:07am

My wife wanted a Christmas tree in every room of the house but I said nah that's overkill, so we compromised and there's a Christmas tree in every room.
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:59am

I'll never trust what's in Hamburger Helper until the 5th finger is found.
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:54am

I often convince myself that I enjoy the company of others. Then, I spend time with them, and remember that I don't.
Posted By: Guest...:) - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.6.17 @ 06:49am

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