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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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where there is a will, there are 100 relatives as well
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 06:48am

If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Posted By: Evilbirdbath. - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 01:18am

A baby drinks a bottle and passes out and that's fine. I drink a bottler of wine and pass out and I'm an alcoholic. Unfair
Posted By: Kyla - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 00:04am

what do you mean you can't hear me!! this Beer contains 4.5 volume alcohol which means I am now 4 to 5 times louder than I was before I got drunk.
Posted By: mogau Thaba - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 16:02pm

Santaís flying a reindeer short this year. Cometís staying home to clean the sink!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.23.14 @ 13:16pm

Head and Shoulders shampoo should make a body wash called Knees and Toes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 11:13am

sunny leone has a Mesarati, Phoenix Marie has a Limo.guess we just spend way too much for clothing
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.22.14 @ 06:24am

Puts selfie on top of Christmas tree because I'm a star
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.21.14 @ 23:33pm

facebook account for sale included freinds
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.21.14 @ 23:21pm

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 22:11pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
When I was a Kid they didn't call it A.D.D., they called it "Boy I'm gonna whoop your butt"............................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 21:11pm

one day im going to make the onions cry
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 00:12am

Vegetables and Pizza has something in common, I just can't think of it right now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 23:41pm

You have to be able to smell to get THAT joke.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 11:56am

I thought the song "black and yellow" said "I can gallop"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 14:01pm

If "mo money, mo problems" is true, why isn't "NO money, NO problems" also true?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 09:43am

When you're boyfriend is making you cry everyday you have to think to yourself am I dating a human or an onion
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 06:45am

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh s**t, it's the cops"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 05:42am

You have never fully participated in the Christmas season until you have had a sword fight with your six year old, using the cardboard rolls from the wrapping paper
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 18:49pm

Went to a Christmas disco,,,, first time in years,,,, When the DJ played JUMP,,,,,Yes i jumped,,,, When he played TWIST,,, yes I twisted,,, But then i was asked to leave when he played ,,COME ON EILEEN.
Posted By: Tommy Boyle - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 15:46pm

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