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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If u feel stressed, give yourself a break Eat some ice cream, chocolates, candy & cake. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:00am

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:59am

Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:58am

I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:57am

I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:54am

Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:53am

My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said, I’ll rent a boat…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:49am

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:48am

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:46am

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and ordering your choice from the menu and then look at the neighbouring table n wishing you”d ordered that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:45am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:44am

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:43am

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:42am

This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die". Apparently, the other 2 become immortal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:41am

Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn't in the search results.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:39am

Thank you for posting a Sky picture on facebook, at my place I don't have a sky so I didn't know how it was it.
Posted By: Guest Art - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 23:47pm

There will always be someone that tells you that you can't do something. If you're married, it's probably your wife.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 20:58pm

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentines day by staying single.
Posted By: KS - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 17:52pm

Given the size of the universe, telling someone that you "love them to the moon and back" really isn't saying much.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 15:43pm

I got an email from my bank this morning telling me that my account had been accessed by hackers. Fortunately though, all they got was a good laugh...
Posted By: The Gregarious B.O.B. - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 14:54pm

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