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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I also made a movie just in time for Valentines Day, I filmed it in the bathroom. I called it "50 Sprays Of Glade"
Posted By: jimmers - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 06:53am

That awkward moment when a prostitute goes to church to get saved and the pastor tells her to get on her knees.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 21:54pm

Dear Winter, I am breaking up with you. I think it is time I started seeing other seasons, BTW, Summer is hotter than you.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 07:18am

I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend’s in the future.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 06:10am

I really wish that parents would wait until their children are atleast 10 years old before giving them names like Pretty or Beauty.
Posted By: Thabo Mkhize - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 02:02am

Not one person wished me happy birthday today! Which is fair enough I suppose, seeing as it's not my birthday.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.16.15 @ 20:20pm

Does a bounty bar count as one of your '5 a day' if so I'm doing really well
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.16.15 @ 16:11pm

annoy joggers by slowing down and shouting "You should have set off earlier!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.16.15 @ 09:31am

They say you are what you eat. That's funny, because I don't recall eating a f**king legend!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.16.15 @ 07:50am

The closest experience I've had to 50 Shades of Grey is when the waiter holds the pepper mill over my food and tells me to SAY WHEN
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.15.15 @ 13:52pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Make love, not war! ... No.. Actually NO!... Do not make love. It makes kids, it screams and that sucks. Make pancakes. Pancakes are good!.. I really like pancakes.
Posted By: Dimi Tarantino - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.15.15 @ 12:55pm

When I die, I want my right hand to be giving a thumbs up, and my body lowered into melted cheese.
Posted By: DJ - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.15.15 @ 07:30am

The first thing my wife did was to get me to put the toilet seat down. In retrospect, I really don't know why I was carrying it around with me in the first place. . .
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 15:05pm

I don't know why people get the wrong first impression about me. I am actually more annoying than I appear.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 14:30pm

If you're locked into a conversation and you just HAVE to go ... nod some more, then look deep into the eyes of someone in the group, and say, with absolute sincerety; "Yeah, but at the end of the day - it just gets drk." Then just walk away. I guarantee that you've gone 10 paces before someone asks 'wtf?' but you're outta there
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 08:28am

When I said Qualified, I really meant Committed for Great Psychiatric Care
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 08:27am

at the end of the day - it gets dark
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 06:57am

Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.12.15 @ 19:26pm

I always forget why I don't like fried food until ten minutes after I eat it. Stop tasting so good.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.12.15 @ 13:21pm

When they tell you your "BROTHER" printer needs to be blown and you ask them to come blow your "BROTHER".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.12.15 @ 06:20am

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