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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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hey sexy! Shut the door, drop your pants. Climb on top of me and satisfy your needs. Sincerely toilet
Posted By: Siya Blacko Kwanini - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 08:29am

Grocery Cashier: Do you need any help getting out? Me: Nope, I'll just go out the way I came in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 07:26am

I never get mad when i see my ex with someone else because i was always taught to recycle my old trash.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:12am

Men are like BLUETOOTH connection, when UR beside them they stay connected but when you are away they search for new devices.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:11am

Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and i throw a rock at it who wins?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:10am

That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:05am

Why do you talk so fast?” “Why do you listen so slow?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:05am

I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:04am

Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:04am

GIRL: Why are you following me? ME: My parents told me to always follow my dreams.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:03am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:01am

If u feel stressed, give yourself a break Eat some ice cream, chocolates, candy & cake. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 06:00am

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:59am

Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:58am

I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:57am

I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:54am

Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:53am

My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said, I’ll rent a boat…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:49am

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:48am

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:46am

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