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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Guy on plane : Where are you going? Me: OH #$&^! Did I miss my stop?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.10.15 @ 11:27am

It's the Cough syrup for that " WHAT CHILDEN? " feeling in any household.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 09:22am

To the woman in I saw at Walmart with the the 7 screaming kids. If you are wondering how the box of condoms got into your shopping cart;You're welcome.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 08:33am

Sitting here with my with my well earned University Degree Philosophy wondering "Did he want fries with that?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 08:26am

Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 01:04am

Don't hold in farts, they travel up your spine and turn into shity ideas
Posted By: Tits - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.8.15 @ 14:09pm

I saw a chameleon today, obviously it's still in training.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.8.15 @ 11:10am

A is for academics, B is for beer.One of those reasons is why I'm unavailable.So leave a message.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 02.8.15 @ 05:01am

Teacher: who is your best teacher me: Google
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.7.15 @ 23:00pm

My girlfriend is rated E for everyone!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.7.15 @ 17:32pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Like the Beatles said, "All you need is love.".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.5.15 @ 18:58pm

Dear February, I don't like you! This month my paycheck is smaller, but the rent to pay is the same! So...who should I sue for this huge injustice?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.5.15 @ 14:32pm

So you do check out my status 😂😂
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.5.15 @ 12:38pm

Valentine's Day......Blessed are those shot by Cupid's arrow, Cursed are those shot by Stupid's error
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 02.5.15 @ 07:24am

You gotta hand it to short people sometimes.. .cause they can't reach.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.4.15 @ 14:17pm

I now know why there are no beaches in the Northeast, all of the sand is on the roads.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.4.15 @ 09:41am

can't see anything ~gotta go to the dentist~ to get my ears checked
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.4.15 @ 06:56am

when you get married, then you'll understand what happiness is. But it will be too late.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.4.15 @ 06:32am

Out of all natural juices, I can now afford only the gastric one...(((
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.4.15 @ 06:23am

after getting kicked in the sack by a female its never a good idea to say she doesn't know it but I consider that foreplay. ;)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 18:11pm

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