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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My daughter sent me a text message asking me to buy her a replacement guitar string. But my heart stopped for a moment when my iPhone previewed the message with, "Daddy, can you buy me a G String..."
Posted By: The Gregarious B.O.B. - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 05:27am

The best thing about reconnecting with old girlfriends on Facebook is realizing what a bullet I dodged with some of the really stupid ones...
Posted By: The Gregarious B.O.B. - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 13:35pm

NEVER go on FB with 1/2 hour of sleep...I proposed to 6 people ( 3 were girls)....told 5 people they were UGLY ....and I think I bought a condo in Kalamazoo Michigan...WHAT a night....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 13:25pm

Dallas Cowboys lose today ending their hopes for Superbowl 2015. Doughnut King Chris Christie blames President Barack Obama
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 13:25pm

Mitt Romney is like a movie that Netflix keeps suggesting but no one wants to watch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 13:24pm

Facebook needs a no one cares button
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 01:43am

So cute how this taxi driver is taking an unnecessarily long route and driving slowly so he gets to spend more time with me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 00:48am

Years ago, i came into this worldnaked and screaming...Now when im naked, someone elsedoes the screaming
Posted By: adonai jonathan - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.11.15 @ 13:26pm

The air hurts my face. Why am I living where the air hurts my face?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.11.15 @ 07:26am

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes CLOSED :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.10.15 @ 02:13am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
i wanted to be a nun at xmas but i couldnt afford to be everyones sister
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.9.15 @ 18:48pm

I like a nutritious salad. It's very good in its iron. Sorry, I meant a meat salad...on a base. Fine, its pizza. We're not all perfect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.9.15 @ 02:12am

My fake plant died because I forgot to pretend to water it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 20:08pm

its very hard to pull the door when its difinitely have a sign "push" in it... :-D
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.7.15 @ 05:28am

Can your legs get sore from thinking about going to the gym?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 20:51pm

When I see someone use multiples of the same emoji at one time I often wonder if they have a texting or cyber stutter?
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 19:57pm

Gonna start calling my wife 'Tarmac', as she loves having her Asphalt.
Posted By: David L S - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 17:30pm

The gal next to me at the gym smells like mothballs...... Haven't been to the gym in a while have you lady.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 06:25am

I tried throwing away my garbage can by putting inside the new one. They didn't take it so the following week I made a sign, 'Take This'. They took the sign.
Posted By: Jethro - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.5.15 @ 08:08am

I'm in a loving Relationship with food but diabetes is being that one ex that won't leave you alone.
Posted By: Anna - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.4.15 @ 05:13am

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