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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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of course I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.13.14 @ 01:55am

a women's mind has to be cleaner then a mans! I'm telling you had to be! I mean like they change every minute of the day you'd think they would care as much as they care for their nails about it
Posted By: Nick - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 17:04pm

Anybody else out there been probed by aliens other than me. A simple yes or no is sufficient.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 15:24pm

I'm waiting to see the first "Intervention" episode on A&E featuring a Facebook addict.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 04:07am

I had a call today from the gas board,they told me i owed them money for my last bill so i told them if they don't like it they can change supplier!
Posted By: Tommy Boyle - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 17:05pm

what's a better number than 20 ? 21 😂
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 16:33pm

Someone just told me i was an atheist i couldn't believe it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 10:22am

I wish my smartphone had caller IQ..... then I could see when stupid people are calling me....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 08:23am

Some people have a fairy godmother, you,on the other hand, have a fairly odd mother.....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 08:05am

I bet products in china must be writen "Made Around The Block/HomeMade", or even worse, "Made Next Door"
Posted By: Kronic Guess - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 05:19am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest..
Posted By: neetah - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 05:11am

N0 Mr 0fficer I'm n0t giving him ideas 0f escaping, its my new dancehall r0utine I'm putting t0gether f0r my nephews birthday party!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 20:04pm

It may be only a matter of time before mankind can journey boldly to planets orbiting distant suns, exploring our wondrous galaxy. I truly hope when that time comes, if we find sentient but primitive life, humanity will have the wisdom to make incomprehensible symbols in the locals' crops, then leave.
Posted By: Welby - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 16:45pm

I'm all about that cake, 'bout that cake, no veggies...
Posted By: Welby - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 16:43pm

Jesus performed a lot of miracles, but nobody ever mentions carpentry. They never said “Thanks for the loaves and fishes, but I could really use a TV entertainment center.” What….too soon? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:57pm

Jews must be excellent drivers. I've driven all across the USA and have never seen a Star of David on a single roadside memorial. Using that same logic, Christians must be crappy drivers. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:56pm

Decided to write a book on parenting but it ended up being full of cocktail recipes. So I'm considering changing the title to "Reasons why Dad is always so happy." #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:56pm

Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls) (J) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:53pm

Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:51pm

Caveman coming out to his parents: "Mom and Dad, I'm a gatherer" #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:50pm

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