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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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How much can't could a white girl can't even if a white girl literally could not even?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:54am

Starting a cover band called, "A Book," so no one can judge us.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:54am

I feel like I could never stab anyone, because I'm really terrible at Capri Sun.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:53am

Rather than taking anti-depressants, I find it helps to just think about how many different pizza toppings there are to choose from.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:53am

Make sure to style the strands of dead cells growing from your skull so they're visually pleasing and you can feel better about yourself, as well as attract potential mates.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:52am

Quick! How many chameleons are in the room you are currently in? Got you. You can never answer that question with complete certainty.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 11:52am

*him - we're over 😯 *Me - you just noticed
Posted By: relationships - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 03:26am

Kids are so impatient these days. My 5yo got board with a slinky before it got all tangled up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 01:02am

The self-checkout was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 00:37am

I was super lazy today. It's like regular lazy but I wore a cape.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 00:36am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
My superpower is getting into my PJs as soon as I get home, What's Yours?
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.1.15 @ 06:53am

I think it's time we call "NewYork" York and "New Zealand" Zealand
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.1.15 @ 06:11am

Television chefs these days, all you hear is pulled pork, pulled beef, pulled chicken. Why not use seafood, then you could have pulled mussels.............
Posted By: Nick W - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.1.15 @ 02:52am

If you could only hear the Non-Edited version of my thoughts, You would give me a medal for Self Control.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.31.15 @ 23:55pm

I'm not going bald, it's a solar panel for a love machine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.31.15 @ 15:14pm

If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. In other words, when everyone is miserable, it's mom's fault.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.31.15 @ 13:49pm

People who say that I never finish anything have apparently never seen me embark upon a bag of Oreo's........................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.31.15 @ 12:24pm

just to let you know l'm always there for you ,when ever you trip or fall I'm there to catch you -sincerely the floor
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.30.15 @ 23:42pm

The self-checkout was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.30.15 @ 22:49pm

Send me $19.95 and I will show you how to avoid internet scams.
Posted By: KS - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.30.15 @ 14:54pm

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