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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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God, i haven't been on facebook since last year.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.31.16 @ 16:40pm

My wife just informed me that we have been out of toothpaste for two days, now I am wondering what the heck I thought was toothpaste for the last 48 hours......................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.21.16 @ 15:40pm

I'm so broke I can't pay attention.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 07:34am

"Oh wow, it's a fruitcake! I'm going to eat it right now" said no one ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.9.16 @ 14:33pm

It's a good thing I'm not in charge of a vote #recount . I'd charge five million bucks, wait a week, and say "We're done. It's the same as the first time."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.9.16 @ 14:32pm

Relatable Food Moment: This taste terrible!!. . . . continues eating
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.7.16 @ 17:14pm

Why are there more horses' asses than there are horses?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.6.16 @ 18:40pm

It's a good thing this video game is rated mature because it's going to be babysitting the kids tonight
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 09:02am

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm skitsofrenic and so am I.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.3.16 @ 12:45pm

...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the Christmas period!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.3.16 @ 10:41am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
A man is usually at his sexual peak, when his neighbor's bathroom window is open.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 16:47pm

A journey of a thousand miles..............., begins with a couple of felonies and being featured on America's Most Wanted
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.19.16 @ 11:01am

When I was a kid I wanted to be Super Man, now I just want to be "Supper Man"...................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.19.16 @ 11:00am

You say "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" like there are other types of Ex-Girlfriends..................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.19.16 @ 11:00am

God is really creative,i mean..just look at me:)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.17.16 @ 06:53am

Stuck in traffic, but luckily a few people are honking their horns, so we'll be moving any second now
Posted By: Peaditty - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.11.16 @ 19:45pm

Boss texted me: Send me one of your funny jokes Me: I'm working now.. I can't Boss: That was fantastic, send me another one!
Posted By: Peaditty - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.11.16 @ 19:38pm

Pull my finger is a immature bodily function joke that kids tell. Unless you're drunk and at your in laws house then it's hilarious.
Posted By: Clarke - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.11.16 @ 17:59pm

...and there I stood staring into toilet, wondering how something so smelly could come out someone so beautiful...
Posted By: banger - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.9.16 @ 23:18pm

just turned wine into vomit. your move, Jesus
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.4.16 @ 07:20am

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