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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I asked my wife what women really want and she said attentive lovers. Or maybe it was "a tent of lovers." I wasn't really sure, but was too worried to ask. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:49pm

Why aren't boner pills called "Addcock?" #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:48pm

I turned my phone on to "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst performer ever! #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:47pm

If only mosquitos sucked fat instead of blood…..just thinking ... #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:46pm

Phrases you don't want connected to your name: morbidly obese, convicted pedophile, and politician. Any others? How about Tea Party Spokesman, creationist, bail, house arrest, "the torso of," disemboweled corpse, partial remains, solicitation, deadbeat, erectile, malpractice, defendant, flatulent, kleptomaniac, disgraced, rectal, decomposed, decapitated, terminal, malignant, president of the Justin Bieber Fab Club, parolee, convicted, unemployed, indigent, corpse, mauled, incontinent, Darwin Award Winner, once-great, departed, or republican (J) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:45pm

If history repeats itself than I am SO getting a dinosaur. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:44pm

First rule of Thesaurus Club. You don't talk, discuss, converse, speak, chat, confer, deliberate, gab, or gossip about Thesaurus Club. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:43pm

When I die, I'd like someone to keep updating my Facebook for me just to freak people out. Things like, "Hey, who knew they had a Chipotle up here?" #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:41pm

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:40pm

A[r(cosθ+isinθ)] 1/n =r 1/n (cosθ+2kπ n +isinθ+2kπ n ) k=0,1,…,n−1 The first step is admiting you have a problem. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:39pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
A friend of mine told me he got a new Thesaurus….Man, I wish I had a dinosaur too! #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:38pm

So what if I can't spell armaggedon?..... It's not the end of the world. .....#thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:36pm

I just murdered a tree and put its decorated corpse on display in my living room. For Jesus.
Posted By: Evilbirdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 13:06pm

Don't judge a book by i'ts cover rather judge it by the number of i'ts pages.the more number of the pages the more boring it becomes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.7.14 @ 10:05am

whatever doesnt kill me, makes me all like"wow...datx wax close"
Posted By: emilia - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.7.14 @ 02:55am

Why is it when you wife or girlfriend gets pregnant, all her friends rub her belly and say "Congratulations" but no one rubs your d**k and says "Good Job"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 19:40pm

Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you. Now I have to change my text.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 19:20pm

Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen then happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and leave.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 19:17pm

Never laugh at your wife's choices. You are one of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 19:11pm

"You Look Happy. Let Me See What I Can Do About That." - Life
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.5.14 @ 20:44pm

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