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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 23:23pm

Great news! Just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms!
Posted By: Poppatart - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 16:47pm

Just seen two homeless guys smacking another with pieces of cardboard, Pillow fight?!
Posted By: Poppatart - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 16:46pm

I lost 30 pounds and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now... though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 14:16pm

Life looks soo shorter wen u r eating pizza...
Posted By: Tinho - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 01:28am

The meaning of Life and Death Twinkies....because everyone is a twinkie to the living dead
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 17:59pm

If you can fold a fitted sheet, you must be a witch!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 07:09am

Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet, but on the inside I'm composing a strongly worded email.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 01:01am

I used to be in a band called Blank Cheque. After three years we were still unsigned.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 00:59am

If you spot a tiger, then it becomes a leopard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 00:05am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
i don't drink too die, I die too drink
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 11.30.14 @ 10:42am

I have a neighbour who is a midget. I walked past his house the other day n offered my help. "You need help carrying that plasma TV", to which he replied, "F*ck you you a**hole, it's an ipad."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.30.14 @ 07:38am

I seriously need to stop Cold Turkey-- it's getting old now-- by about 3 days.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.29.14 @ 20:05pm

Not feeling myself tonight will you do it?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.29.14 @ 15:55pm

Christmas tree in progress
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 18:32pm

I saw my ex in the bus having an argument with six boys they were playing tennis for about five mins then one of he six through a punch so I dicides to step in and help he had no chance against seven of us 😂🙌🙌
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 14:31pm

"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you ran into my house, crying and screaming "HELP! THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME!"
Posted By: A-jay - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 03:04am

I have a Klondike Bar-- now who wants to clean up my yard from puppy poo?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 00:19am

I always serve skinless turkey on Thanksgiving, probably because I eat all the roasted skin as soon as it comes out of the oven.
Posted By: alaskabaybe - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.27.14 @ 23:36pm

I don't smoke weed. I smoke news feed!
Posted By: ChiMon JyoTi SaiKia - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.27.14 @ 03:32am

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