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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes CLOSED :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.10.15 @ 02:13am

i wanted to be a nun at xmas but i couldnt afford to be everyones sister
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.9.15 @ 18:48pm

I like a nutritious salad. It's very good in its iron. Sorry, I meant a meat salad...on a base. Fine, its pizza. We're not all perfect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.9.15 @ 02:12am

My fake plant died because I forgot to pretend to water it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 20:08pm

its very hard to pull the door when its difinitely have a sign "push" in it... :-D
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.7.15 @ 05:28am

Can your legs get sore from thinking about going to the gym?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 20:51pm

When I see someone use multiples of the same emoji at one time I often wonder if they have a texting or cyber stutter?
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 19:57pm

Gonna start calling my wife 'Tarmac', as she loves having her Asphalt.
Posted By: David L S - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 17:30pm

The gal next to me at the gym smells like mothballs...... Haven't been to the gym in a while have you lady.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.6.15 @ 06:25am

I tried throwing away my garbage can by putting inside the new one. They didn't take it so the following week I made a sign, 'Take This'. They took the sign.
Posted By: Jethro - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.5.15 @ 08:08am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I'm in a loving Relationship with food but diabetes is being that one ex that won't leave you alone.
Posted By: Anna - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.4.15 @ 05:13am

Feel proud that you've made it to 2015 with the need of a flux capacitor or a DeLorean.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 21:50pm

one marvellous day I will combine youtube, twitter and facebook and end upwith you-twit-face
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 17:50pm

don't think that girls can just do it because they have nikey ticks as eyebrows
Posted By: 420 - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 13:07pm

I didn't want my family to see me as someone who eats too much, so I walked past them with two slices of bread on my plate... Then the remaining twelve in my pocket.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 11:34am

with great power comes great electricity bill
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 02:34am

police should wear red and blue light up shoes for when they have to chase people
Posted By: Brenda - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 22:44pm

If people aretalking behindyour back, thenjust fart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 09:44am

You know what ruins a perfectly good vacation? When it's over!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 08:23am

So gas is under $2.50 per gallon and the Dallas Cowboys are in the playoffs. Is this 2015 or 1995?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.1.15 @ 11:55am

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