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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Trying to talk like Rocket Raccoon almost got me fired. My BOSS: Did you call in sick last night but was out at the bar? ME: That Is True. BOSS: You're Fired. ME: That Is Also T...Wait what?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.5.14 @ 20:42pm

My eating has been described as one having a Jowl Movement..........
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.5.14 @ 18:28pm

Got so drunk lastnite drop my phone somewhere in my car spent the last 2 hours using the flashlight on my phone to look for my phone..FML
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.5.14 @ 13:39pm

Well, i guess ill hit the sack,....then possibly go to bed
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 07:42am

I'm not Rihanna' I don't love the way you Lie
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 05:52am

The problem with those spreading paranoia about "lone wolf isis" attacks is that they are describing pretty much every crazy ex wife
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 23:33pm

Whenever a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch, just to let them know what I'm capable of.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 22:49pm

Nothing says "I value our friendship despite how intolerable you've become to deal with on a regular basis" like the "unfollow" option.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 13:27pm

I'm writing this from the hospital, ... don't worry he said that I would be fine.. and just so you know, the Tyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name ...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 13:01pm

FRIEND: I wasn't that drunk you know. ME: Dude, you were looking for your iphone with the flashlight ON your iphone..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 08:41am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
How would you like your eggs? Boiled or fertilized.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 01:58am

I am bad at multiple tasking. I can't even chew a gum and walk at the same time.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 01:57am

If you spot a Tiger, it becomes a leopard.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.3.14 @ 01:57am

available 25 hours a day
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 23:23pm

Great news! Just saved a bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms!
Posted By: Poppatart - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 16:47pm

Just seen two homeless guys smacking another with pieces of cardboard, Pillow fight?!
Posted By: Poppatart - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 16:46pm

I lost 30 pounds and did it without exercising or changing my diet! Ask me how. Not right now... though. I'm waiting for my meth dealer to call.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 14:16pm

Life looks soo shorter wen u r eating pizza...
Posted By: Tinho - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.2.14 @ 01:28am

The meaning of Life and Death Twinkies....because everyone is a twinkie to the living dead
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 17:59pm

If you can fold a fitted sheet, you must be a witch!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.1.14 @ 07:09am

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