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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.21.14 @ 23:21pm

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 22:11pm

When I was a Kid they didn't call it A.D.D., they called it "Boy I'm gonna whoop your butt"............................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 21:11pm

one day im going to make the onions cry
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.20.14 @ 00:12am

Vegetables and Pizza has something in common, I just can't think of it right now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 23:41pm

You have to be able to smell to get THAT joke.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.19.14 @ 11:56am

I thought the song "black and yellow" said "I can gallop"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 14:01pm

If "mo money, mo problems" is true, why isn't "NO money, NO problems" also true?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 09:43am

When you're boyfriend is making you cry everyday you have to think to yourself am I dating a human or an onion
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 06:45am

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh s**t, it's the cops"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 05:42am

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You have never fully participated in the Christmas season until you have had a sword fight with your six year old, using the cardboard rolls from the wrapping paper
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 18:49pm

Went to a Christmas disco,,,, first time in years,,,, When the DJ played JUMP,,,,,Yes i jumped,,,, When he played TWIST,,, yes I twisted,,, But then i was asked to leave when he played ,,COME ON EILEEN.
Posted By: Tommy Boyle - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 15:46pm

My psychologist told me to describe myself in 3 words. I said. "I am a rebel"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 12:30pm

My friend asked me what it was like to be married. So, I deleted all the songs on his ipod apart from 1.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 05:01am

My Christmas message: Forget about the past, you canít change it. Forget about the future, you canít predict it. Forget about the present, I didnít get you one
Posted By: Mr Sharp - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:52am

I just murdered a pine tree... Merry Christmas!!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 07:01am

People who dream of living in a tiny house have clearly never lived in a tiny house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 06:55am

My bloody Christmas Tree lights have stopped working...yes they have....no they haven't... yes they have.... no they haven't...yes they have.....!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 06:14am

Relationship status:looking for WiFi conection
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 12.14.14 @ 05:04am

of course I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.13.14 @ 01:55am

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