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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said, I’ll rent a boat…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:49am

Girls fall in love with what they hear. Boys fall in love with what they see. That’s why girls wear make up and boys lie.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:48am

Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want ,men have to sleep with whoever lets them!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:46am

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and ordering your choice from the menu and then look at the neighbouring table n wishing you”d ordered that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:45am

Definition of human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper & write “SAVE TREES” on the same paper.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:44am

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:43am

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:42am

This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die". Apparently, the other 2 become immortal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:41am

Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn't in the search results.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.29.15 @ 05:39am

Thank you for posting a Sky picture on facebook, at my place I don't have a sky so I didn't know how it was it.
Posted By: Guest Art - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 23:47pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
There will always be someone that tells you that you can't do something. If you're married, it's probably your wife.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 20:58pm

I just saved a bunch of money on Valentines day by staying single.
Posted By: KS - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 17:52pm

Given the size of the universe, telling someone that you "love them to the moon and back" really isn't saying much.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 15:43pm

I got an email from my bank this morning telling me that my account had been accessed by hackers. Fortunately though, all they got was a good laugh...
Posted By: The Gregarious B.O.B. - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 14:54pm

With all the controversy surrounding the Patriots, their fans are just hoping for a better performance in this year's Super Bowl, since their previous two appearances have left the fans feeling a bit deflated...
Posted By: The Gregarious B.O.B. - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.28.15 @ 13:53pm

Am I the on one who noticed they never actually say the word zombie in the show the walking dead they called them WALKERS, Roamers, Lurkers, Biters ,lame-brains ,geeks , Monsters, Meat Puppets, Empties , Deadie, Creepers , Eaters , Ghouls , Wanderers , Creepy Crawlies , Walking Bodies , Walking Corpses , Skin-Eaters , The Infected , Stinkers , Rotters but never called them zombies
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.27.15 @ 21:43pm

#Hashtag. That is all.
Posted By: Ken - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.27.15 @ 11:17am

SocialMeltdown2015 is the reason I updated my profile picture on Myspace.
Posted By: TekNizzy - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 23:56pm

Katy Perry: It makes me want to "ROAR" when i hear Taylor Swift's new single "BAD BLOOD"
Posted By: My Name is Pie ^w^ - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 17:21pm

justin bieber has less followers than grumpy cat
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 16:52pm

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