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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh s**t, it's the cops"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 12.18.14 @ 05:42am

You have never fully participated in the Christmas season until you have had a sword fight with your six year old, using the cardboard rolls from the wrapping paper
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 18:49pm

Went to a Christmas disco,,,, first time in years,,,, When the DJ played JUMP,,,,,Yes i jumped,,,, When he played TWIST,,, yes I twisted,,, But then i was asked to leave when he played ,,COME ON EILEEN.
Posted By: Tommy Boyle - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 15:46pm

My psychologist told me to describe myself in 3 words. I said. "I am a rebel"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 12:30pm

My friend asked me what it was like to be married. So, I deleted all the songs on his ipod apart from 1.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.17.14 @ 05:01am

My Christmas message: Forget about the past, you canít change it. Forget about the future, you canít predict it. Forget about the present, I didnít get you one
Posted By: Mr Sharp - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 11:52am

I just murdered a pine tree... Merry Christmas!!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 07:01am

People who dream of living in a tiny house have clearly never lived in a tiny house.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 06:55am

My bloody Christmas Tree lights have stopped working...yes they have....no they haven't... yes they have.... no they haven't...yes they have.....!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 12.15.14 @ 06:14am

Relationship status:looking for WiFi conection
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 12.14.14 @ 05:04am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
of course I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.13.14 @ 01:55am

a women's mind has to be cleaner then a mans! I'm telling you had to be! I mean like they change every minute of the day you'd think they would care as much as they care for their nails about it
Posted By: Nick - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 17:04pm

Anybody else out there been probed by aliens other than me. A simple yes or no is sufficient.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 15:24pm

I'm waiting to see the first "Intervention" episode on A&E featuring a Facebook addict.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 04:07am

I had a call today from the gas board,they told me i owed them money for my last bill so i told them if they don't like it they can change supplier!
Posted By: Tommy Boyle - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 17:05pm

what's a better number than 20 ? 21 😂
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 16:33pm

Someone just told me i was an atheist i couldn't believe it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 10:22am

I wish my smartphone had caller IQ..... then I could see when stupid people are calling me....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 08:23am

Some people have a fairy godmother, you,on the other hand, have a fairly odd mother.....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 08:05am

I bet products in china must be writen "Made Around The Block/HomeMade", or even worse, "Made Next Door"
Posted By: Kronic Guess - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.9.14 @ 05:19am

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