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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I didn't want my family to see me as someone who eats too much, so I walked past them with two slices of bread on my plate... Then the remaining twelve in my pocket.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 11:34am

with great power comes great electricity bill
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 01.3.15 @ 02:34am

police should wear red and blue light up shoes for when they have to chase people
Posted By: Brenda - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 22:44pm

If people aretalking behindyour back, thenjust fart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 09:44am

You know what ruins a perfectly good vacation? When it's over!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.2.15 @ 08:23am

So gas is under $2.50 per gallon and the Dallas Cowboys are in the playoffs. Is this 2015 or 1995?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.1.15 @ 11:55am

If choosy mother's choose Jiff, do choosy father's choose Jiffy Lube?
Posted By: Ann - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.31.14 @ 09:02am

I love restaurant gift cards, it's like having a mini chef in your hands!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.30.14 @ 17:51pm

i dont drink because there is alcohol in beer....i don't smoke coz there's acrylonitrile in cigarette! ! but i hve 1 problem ....i lie! !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.30.14 @ 13:51pm

I just had a 5 hour energy drink, coffee, and a monster drink. Now I think my child's rubber ducky is talking to me. Me: hey rubber ducky. Rubber ducky: you can see me? Me: (O_o)
Posted By: Ron Wilk - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.30.14 @ 11:22am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
"Leaving some people in 2014" As if you're the only one with keys to the new year " We're all coming..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.28.14 @ 21:35pm

I took my wife to Honolulu on honeymoon 5 years back... its my marriage anniversary next week and i am gonna bring her back now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.28.14 @ 13:29pm

i am the best you never had!
Posted By: hsjxhcj - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.28.14 @ 03:38am

If you ever find yourself in prison and one door opens after another closes, use it! It might be a freedom door!
Posted By: Cola - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.27.14 @ 13:16pm

man when i see her my heart skips a beat, i get nervous and feel like running away <br />
the feelings i get when i see someone i owe money to
Posted By: Guest Bisrat Tegegn AAU - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.27.14 @ 13:11pm

have you heard about the agnostic insomniac with dyslexia who stayed up all night wondering if there was a DOG
Posted By: Guest Bisrat Tegegn AAU - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 12.27.14 @ 12:26pm

be right back my fish is drowning!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 22:51pm

i have an excuse for why i dont have an excuse
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 12:39pm

where there is a will, there are 100 relatives as well
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 06:48am

If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Posted By: Evilbirdbath. - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 12.26.14 @ 01:18am

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