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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I don't smoke weed. I smoke news feed!
Posted By: ChiMon JyoTi SaiKia - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.27.14 @ 03:32am

I want the people who worked with me on my project to put me in my grave that way they can let me down one more time
Posted By: Kool Blaze - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.26.14 @ 16:16pm

Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agre
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.26.14 @ 15:56pm

I am not always a complete idiot auto correct. Sometimes I do know what I was meant to say. I feel Like I correct your mistakes more than you do mine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.25.14 @ 07:25am

People call me Miss Compromise. Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.24.14 @ 12:47pm

Why do people have dreamcatchers on their rearview mirrors?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.24.14 @ 09:25am

˙ǝʌıʇɔǝdsɹǝd ɹǝɥʇouɐ ɯoɹɟ ǝldoǝd ʍouʞ oʇ ʇǝƃ puɐ sƃuıɥʇ ǝǝs oʇ ǝlʇʇıl ɐ dn ʇı xıɯ puɐ uʍop ǝpısdn sƃuıɥʇ uɹnʇ oʇ ǝʞıl ı ǝlıɥʍ ɐ uı ǝɔuo 'ɥɐǝʎ os
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.23.14 @ 15:49pm

I was in a public restroom and the guy in the next stall kept asking questions, so I kept answering them. Then I heard him say 'I gotta call ya back the idiot in the next stall keeps answering all the questions I'm asking you.".....so embarrassed.
Posted By: CK777 - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.23.14 @ 12:56pm

It should be illegal to play Christmas music before December... It's still a week away from December and I'm already sick of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.23.14 @ 02:32am

I might be fat but you should see how fast my bum moves
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 23:05pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Somewhere, a real Nigerian prince is sitting at his computer wondering why no one is replying to his emails.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 17:14pm

My time card says I work from 6 am to 3pm, but really , I show up at 6:00 then I start work from 2pm to 3 pm.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 09:01am

my dear don't fear i am hear.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 00:53am

Can they make the brown Liquor Store bags any noisier for f**k sakes! I'm trying to sneak liquor into the house, not celebrate Canada Day....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 18:09pm

I talk to myself all the time but there seem to be more than one voice responding, so we laugh out loud cause that's just cray
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 13:54pm

After watching multiple episodes and seasons of "Judge Judy", apparently a slightly balding, overweight, unemployed, middle-aged man is irresistible to some women....
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 12:34pm

My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:34am

The awkward moment when you see someone so flame from far away, but up close you just shake your head.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 21:26pm

If we are all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 12:03pm

So wait, "No Shave November" is NOT for women and I could have been shaving all this time? #Sasquatchsighting
Posted By: RB - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 09:53am

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