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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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It's nearly a week after Halloween, so it's time to change your profile picture back to before you were a slut.Oh, nevermind.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.5.14 @ 10:12am

The only thing I hate about beer is that there's absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.4.14 @ 18:00pm

Work is the scourge of the drinking man.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 11.4.14 @ 05:50am

You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they're trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.4.14 @ 04:30am

Big Ben said to the tower o Pisa, "If you've got the inclination, I've the time.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:56pm

Before I knew it, my smart phone had power of attorney.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:50pm

It took me a long time before I became a good procrastinator.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:43pm

I sit on all the painting that I paint. I'm an impressionest.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:41pm

Every time I try to kick my bad habit, it turns out that they have shin guards.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:37pm

My wife isn't just a dish, she's a whole set of china.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:34pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Dear math, stop asking me to find your x, she's not coming back.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:32pm

I once lived a secret life as a mime, but now I can talk about it.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 15:31pm

I think public restrooms should be fully enclosed with soundproof walls and a massive powered exhaust fan....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 10:56am

When I die, I want to be cremated and put inside an Etch-a-Sketch.
Posted By: Evil_Birdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.2.14 @ 02:11am

After we broke up instead of saying; he is so hot I started saying; his face is uglier than a monkeys ass, so it would help me feel better
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 11.1.14 @ 11:26am

It takes a 1/4 mile run to burn off the calories of a Halloween "fun size" candy bar. Tomorrow I'll have to run an extra mile. After I finish both marathons.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 21:13pm

practice shuttin-up!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 14:38pm

Some people claim that the camera will add ten pounds. I can't imagine that. I mean after all, who would eat a camera?
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 05:04am

My paper towells refused to clean up any of my messes. It was the mutiny of the Bounty.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 05:02am

I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 04:57am

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