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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll find some other idiot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.30.14 @ 13:32pm

Religious people be like, "he got 66 likes and 6 comments, he must be working for the Devil".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.30.14 @ 11:16am

When a cashier asks me if I found everything I was looking for, I take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.29.14 @ 06:26am

I get a kick out of "The People You May Know" post on here.. No, I do not want to be friends with your friend's mother's cousin's sister's, husband's uncle's friend who's related to your aunt, and happened to pee in your toilet once!
Posted By: Tommy L. - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.28.14 @ 21:47pm

I accidentally crashed a wedding reception this afternoon. I could've left discretely, but..well...you know...free cake...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.28.14 @ 14:54pm

If I were a judge and I would sentence all mimes to spend a day in a real glass box in the middle of town and tell them they can go home as soon as they figure out how to escape.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 21:15pm

Do you think that when fire was invented, it accelerated global warming and brought abount an end to the ice age?
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 18:40pm

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained to imcompetence.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 18:38pm

I'm getting zero percent on my savings account. I've finally reached the point of no return.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 18:29pm

I know that there is an urban legend museum around here somewhere, but I've never seen it.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 18:28pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
My teacher told me that there was no such thing as a stupid question, but I didn't know what that meant.
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 18:27pm

I just signed in at the bank as Dixie Normous and left.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 15:56pm

If we evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 14:25pm

Honestly, if I can't have a cup of coffee, I should just go back to bed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 17:51pm

hey mom, please stop telling me how to raise my kids im still trying to raise yours.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 15:32pm

if she's familiar with more DJs than pastors, be very worried
Posted By: lennox - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 12:04pm

Too much s*** and not a big enough fan.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 06:48am

I wonder if all the lobsters in the galley thought it was a Godsend when the Titanic went down.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 04:58am

nothing is impossible...sh!t..squeeze out toothpaste and put it back
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 20:36pm

I wonder if Sherlock Holmes itemized his deductions?
Posted By: Gregg - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 19:11pm

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