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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', and then I thought, what good would that do? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 08:14am

No matter how lost and misguided you may feel, just remember, there are still people wandering around out on the streets looking for pokemon
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.1.16 @ 11:50am

Never trust the voices in your head that question your sanity................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.31.16 @ 14:43pm

I don't remember the last time I forgot something :D :P
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.31.16 @ 11:21am

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and Marine World will have security escort you off the property.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.16 @ 19:45pm

This morning I accidentally drank two energy drinks .Now My house is decorated for Christmas.
Posted By: Vaterpop - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.24.16 @ 16:50pm

Hey can I get a picture of you? I'm collecting natures disasters
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.16 @ 03:56am

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full, all that matters is that you enjoy the drink inside it.
Posted By: Evil_Birdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.16 @ 13:49pm

My fake plants died, because i didn't pretend to water them..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.17.16 @ 10:46am

When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 21:21pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Itís always darkest before dawn. So, if youíre going to steal your neighborís newspaper, thatís the time to do it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 10:40am

I'm going to invent a phone app where you go around capturing snails instead of Pokemon action figures. I'm gonna call it "Escar Go".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 09:53am

If the answer isn't chocolate, you're asking the wrong question.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 09:22am

Research says that it costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that's just for the alcohol. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 07:50am

I find that if you answer the phone and say "Hello, you're on the air." most telemarketers will hang up immediately. #thedailyjefft (More at thedailyjeff.net)
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.13.16 @ 07:43am

Well, I got caught doing Donuts in the Police Station parking lot. The Cops said I had to go eat'em somewhere else.........
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.11.16 @ 18:28pm

I am Physically Fit. Well, what I mean is that I am going to "physically fit" this entire Cupcake into my mouth...................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.11.16 @ 16:26pm

I've heard life is like a box of chocolates, well it's not its more like a box of candy coated horsesh!t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.11.16 @ 09:23am

We have GPS that can accurately navigate you across the country within 3 feet of where you want to be. Why can't someone invent a device that can remind you where your reading glasses are? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.11.16 @ 08:00am

Good thing I recorded the fireworks last year. I just stayed in bed and watched it last night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 11:46am

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