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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Marriages are like water heaters they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything thing you have.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 12:25pm

So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 07:10am

Neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink", the bartender replies, for you no charge
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 10:13am

Once my boss told me to dress for the job that I wanted, not for the job that I had. And I felt real stupid in the next sales meeting dressed like Batman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 08:58am

Iím not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 07:01am

I lost a game of chess to my computer. But it was no match at kickboxing.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 21:08pm

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK.
Posted By: Chip - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 07:11am

In this day and age where kids expect their parents to do everything for them, it's encouraging to see them washing out their own mouths with soap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 06:00am

Down here in Africa (Sudan) some tribes refused to use toilets simply because they do not want to mix their pupu with others. they still prefer open defecation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 07:11am

I guess I shouldn't use Cometģ to wash my car. I've been working on it for an hour and I've just begun to scratch the surface.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 04:59am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I am always willing to go that extra mile; I just wonít stop to ask directions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 19:30pm

I never fail to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 19:29pm

I don't get people that say "they were busting their ass"? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 11:47am

Saw I sign which read "This door is alarmed" so I gently rubbed it letting it know everything is going to be fine.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 13:05pm

Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 07:38am

I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.9.18 @ 15:33pm

Bet you can keep the the "Funny" & "Not Funny" number even
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.7.18 @ 12:15pm

I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks.....now I wake up feeling like a bounced check
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.3.18 @ 08:35am

I remember 2017 like it was yesterday
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.1.18 @ 19:17pm

Been to the gym doing leg exercises, my Psychiatrist said I was "Unstable", so yeah, I took the initiative.................
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.1.18 @ 15:23pm

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