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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Cupid. That makes sense to me, because nothing fills me with love more than a fat baby firing arrows at my butt.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.14.18 @ 17:01pm

In 2018, Easter and April Fool's Day are on the same day. Poor planning if Jesus decides to come back this year. Did you hear? Jesus is risen. Yea yea yea I know. April Fools!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.13.18 @ 18:40pm

If you drink too much at a bar, don't waste money on a cab. Instead, walk to the nearest Domino's and order a pizza to deliver to your house. Then ask the delivery guy if you can ride along with him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.9.18 @ 14:56pm

“Its Groundhog’s Day, I saw my own shadow. It’s official. Six more weeks of dieting.”
Posted By: Christopher Cowles - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.6.18 @ 09:48am

Marriages are like water heaters they sit peacefully for years until they explode in a fireball ruining everything thing you have.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 12:25pm

So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.3.18 @ 07:10am

Neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink", the bartender replies, for you no charge
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 10:13am

Once my boss told me to dress for the job that I wanted, not for the job that I had. And I felt real stupid in the next sales meeting dressed like Batman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.2.18 @ 08:58am

I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.28.18 @ 07:01am

I lost a game of chess to my computer. But it was no match at kickboxing.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 21:08pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK.
Posted By: Chip - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 07:11am

In this day and age where kids expect their parents to do everything for them, it's encouraging to see them washing out their own mouths with soap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.26.18 @ 06:00am

Down here in Africa (Sudan) some tribes refused to use toilets simply because they do not want to mix their pupu with others. they still prefer open defecation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 07:11am

I guess I shouldn't use Comet® to wash my car. I've been working on it for an hour and I've just begun to scratch the surface.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.25.18 @ 04:59am

I am always willing to go that extra mile; I just won’t stop to ask directions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 19:30pm

I never fail to meet expenses; they are everywhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 19:29pm

I don't get people that say "they were busting their ass"? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.17.18 @ 11:47am

Saw I sign which read "This door is alarmed" so I gently rubbed it letting it know everything is going to be fine.
Posted By: sage - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 13:05pm

Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.12.18 @ 07:38am

I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.9.18 @ 15:33pm

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