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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Does anybody else have a wife who loves to play that game called “Yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can’t hear her."
Posted By: Barber - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.3.16 @ 08:34am

Police are looking for two men lost in a canoe.....Must be a pretty big canoe
Posted By: robert - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.16 @ 15:06pm

What do I call it when your crush has a crush on you......"IMAGINATION"...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.16 @ 12:23pm

Whenever I hear people say we learn from our mistakes I wonder why we have to go to school after all we can stay at home and make mistakes and claim we are learning
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.16 @ 07:49am

When ordering a delivery online and I see the notes box, I put "Slay the dragon, cross moat and sound the trumpets!"
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.1.16 @ 05:31am

I thanked my wife for loving me even though I had millions of faults. She replied “It isn’t millions.” Well played Linda, well played. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.24.16 @ 08:23am

The definition of irony: The state motto for New Hampshire is "Live Free or Die" which appears on license plates made by prisoners. (Jon Stewart) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.24.16 @ 08:18am

apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 12:11pm

We now live in a world where the last communications we might ever have with someone may be LOL or an emoji.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 09:56am

The shin is a instrument used to find furnitures in the dark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 06:56am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
funny how we need someone to fetch the TV remote, but become Stretch Armstrong to hit the snooze button....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 06:02am

How has 20th Century Fox stayed in business since 1999?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.18.16 @ 14:54pm

"Don't follow Masses blindely,be carefull because sometimes M is silent"
Posted By: Amjid niazi - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 19:55pm

If someone with a foot fetish cheats on their spouse, does that mean they're getting off on the wrong foot?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 11:58am

There's a bald spot in my back yard so I'm gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 07:00am

My girl is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn't even know she sold jewelry. :-/
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:41pm

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started.
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:33pm

I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:28pm

I went to the store and bought a box of condoms, the cashier asked me " would you like a bag" I replied " nah, she's not that ugly"..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.12.16 @ 06:51am

Sure you can call me later, but I'd prefer it if you called me by my real name.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.9.16 @ 06:22am

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