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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The shin is a instrument used to find furnitures in the dark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 06:56am

funny how we need someone to fetch the TV remote, but become Stretch Armstrong to hit the snooze button....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 06.21.16 @ 06:02am

How has 20th Century Fox stayed in business since 1999?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.18.16 @ 14:54pm

"Don't follow Masses blindely,be carefull because sometimes M is silent"
Posted By: Amjid niazi - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 19:55pm

If someone with a foot fetish cheats on their spouse, does that mean they're getting off on the wrong foot?
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 11:58am

There's a bald spot in my back yard so I'm gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.17.16 @ 07:00am

My girl is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn't even know she sold jewelry. :-/
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:41pm

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started.
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:33pm

I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far
Posted By: Bruce - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.16.16 @ 16:28pm

I went to the store and bought a box of condoms, the cashier asked me " would you like a bag" I replied " nah, she's not that ugly"..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.12.16 @ 06:51am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Sure you can call me later, but I'd prefer it if you called me by my real name.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.9.16 @ 06:22am

The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.8.16 @ 00:30am

The toilet paper at work has braille like dots all over it...Im starting to think all the blind people of the world are plotting something.
Posted By: Guest69 - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.6.16 @ 23:56pm

Windows 10: where the features you want don't work, and the features you don't, do.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.4.16 @ 01:09am

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.3.16 @ 07:02am

They missed a big opportunity when they didn't name diet tablets "girth control pills."
Posted By: Kerry - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.31.16 @ 12:33pm

Apparently, it is not a good choice to sing aloud "Kiss me like you wanna be loved" while the security guard is frisking your body for weapons.
Posted By: twixted666 - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.31.16 @ 11:12am

Memorial Day Weekend.. The unofficial beginning of summer... Funny how no one complains about rushing that one month before the official day, but when people hear a Christmas song on Thanksgiving Day, everyone loses their minds!
Posted By: Tommy Boy - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.28.16 @ 07:12am

“As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.” (Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.26.16 @ 14:50pm

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” (Bob Thaves) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.25.16 @ 09:03am

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