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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.8.16 @ 00:30am

The toilet paper at work has braille like dots all over it...Im starting to think all the blind people of the world are plotting something.
Posted By: Guest69 - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.6.16 @ 23:56pm

Windows 10: where the features you want don't work, and the features you don't, do.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.4.16 @ 01:09am

I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's OK. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.3.16 @ 07:02am

They missed a big opportunity when they didn't name diet tablets "girth control pills."
Posted By: Kerry - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.31.16 @ 12:33pm

Apparently, it is not a good choice to sing aloud "Kiss me like you wanna be loved" while the security guard is frisking your body for weapons.
Posted By: twixted666 - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.31.16 @ 11:12am

Memorial Day Weekend.. The unofficial beginning of summer... Funny how no one complains about rushing that one month before the official day, but when people hear a Christmas song on Thanksgiving Day, everyone loses their minds!
Posted By: Tommy Boy - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 05.28.16 @ 07:12am

“As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.” (Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.26.16 @ 14:50pm

Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.” (Bob Thaves) #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.25.16 @ 09:03am

took my dog to sign up for welfare.. the clerk said sorry shes not able to ... i said why shes got no job,no money , 6 kids and dont know who they dad is ,
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.25.16 @ 07:16am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 09:05am

If you sleep with your socks on, please unfollow. I do not support you or your wicked lifestyle. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 09:02am

Advice to men: If a woman ever says "Are you wearing that?" it should never be worn. It's best to throw it away now. Trust me on this one. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 09:02am

Just stirred my coffee with a fork. So if any of you guys are looking for a new gangsta bad boy to join your crew, just let me know. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:55am

Does it sound creepy to say “I can’t believe I’m in your house… and this time you’re awake.” #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:52am

I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally....it’s just that I'm at the ice cream store. #Thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:48am

If Facebook has taught us anything, it's that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Speling Bee.
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.18.16 @ 08:47am

When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body get weak and hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm unfit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.16.16 @ 00:29am

I'm doing a marathon today!! 14 hours of Law & Order SVU!
Posted By: alaskabaybe - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.15.16 @ 08:36am

I met a new family, Angie and Jessie and their daughter Stacey. I couldn't stop singing. (think about it)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.11.16 @ 12:02pm

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