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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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With a subtle stroke he wiped her tears away, and accidentally her eyebrows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.9.16 @ 18:29pm

If you see a table of people all staring at their phones, sit down and fart, they will talk to you.
Posted By: Bartelsandjams - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 11:58am

If one door opens and another one closes, your place is friggin haunted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.29.16 @ 09:59am

what part of this message wants to make you go and do it - Your latest bills are now ready to view online:
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 04.29.16 @ 06:26am

I just have one favor to ask. If you're gonna wear a wig, at least TRY to fool me...
Posted By: Keith Mayfield - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.25.16 @ 13:00pm

at the hospital, i parked in the C section of their parking lot..... so naturally i had to climb out of the sunroof.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.25.16 @ 12:56pm

When I was a kid, there was a "SLOW CHILDREN" sign in front of our house......I kinda took it personal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.23.16 @ 21:08pm

I'm going to celebrate Tom's birthday today. I don't know Tom but his name is on the day-old birthday cake I got from the bakery today.
Posted By: alaskabaybe - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.23.16 @ 11:25am

As I stood here looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought. Any minute now they're gonna throw me out of this ikea...
Posted By: Bill Smith - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 21:42pm

My trainer said dieting is a piece of cake......So I'm ordering cakes for dinner
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:31pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I dieted for a month...........After all the hard work, I finally lost 30 days
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:29pm

Boss says it's called laying down on the job, I argued that I was working in Landscape mode. Not sure I'm going to win this arguement.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.13.16 @ 05:22am

I heard this guy at the grocery store let off a really loud fart. The only other thing I know about him is that he does not seem to like high-fives.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.13.16 @ 03:48am

Dear April showers.... I expect Honey I shrunk the kid sized flowers in May
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.12.16 @ 05:18am

Have you ever wondered who the first person was that saw an egg fall out of a chicken's butt and said "Hmm, I think I'm going to eat that"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.6.16 @ 05:19am

I go on Christian Mingle ONE TIME, and they have to perform an exorcism on the whole site?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.5.16 @ 16:05pm

Is it depressing that I get overly excited upon discovering $3 in my pants pocket while doing laundry?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.5.16 @ 14:57pm

I can't wait till text walking is illegal
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.31.16 @ 05:58am

Relationship status : looking for a wifi connectiin
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.24.16 @ 22:14pm

Warning! NEVER try to give your lonely french uncle a kiss on the cheek!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.24.16 @ 06:26am

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