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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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A friend of mine told me he got a new Thesaurus….Man, I wish I had a dinosaur too! ‪#‎thedailyjeff‬
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 10:15am

I sent a text to a friend of mine whose aunt had a heart attack. It was supposed to say, “How’s your aunt doing?” Somehow I hit the C instead of A. Truly awkward. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 10:08am

Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.18.16 @ 05:42am

What is your favorite childhood memory? Mine is not paying bills. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.11.16 @ 07:51am

4 things you need to give your cat a bath...... (1) A cat of course. (2) A tub. (3) Water. (4) Band-Aids, lots of Band-Aids................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.9.16 @ 02:15am

My wife told me that I am "Childish and need to grow up", all that coming from someone who has girl germs and cooties..........
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.8.16 @ 19:08pm

This is the worst dating website ever!
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 08.4.16 @ 01:18am

I was never one to always do what I am told. It paid off for me today when I was walking down a hallway and saw a sign that read "Wet Floor"............................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 16:49pm

I don’t care what people think of me…at least mosquitoes find me really attractive. #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 08:39am

I was going to buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', and then I thought, what good would that do? #thedailyjeff
Posted By: #thedailyjeff - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 08.2.16 @ 08:14am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
No matter how lost and misguided you may feel, just remember, there are still people wandering around out on the streets looking for pokemon
Posted By: Moon - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.1.16 @ 11:50am

Never trust the voices in your head that question your sanity................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.31.16 @ 14:43pm

I don't remember the last time I forgot something :D :P
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.31.16 @ 11:21am

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and Marine World will have security escort you off the property.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.27.16 @ 19:45pm

This morning I accidentally drank two energy drinks .Now My house is decorated for Christmas.
Posted By: Vaterpop - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.24.16 @ 16:50pm

Hey can I get a picture of you? I'm collecting natures disasters
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.21.16 @ 03:56am

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full, all that matters is that you enjoy the drink inside it.
Posted By: Evil_Birdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.19.16 @ 13:49pm

My fake plants died, because i didn't pretend to water them..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.17.16 @ 10:46am

When you have a lot, you have hair. When you only have a few, you have hairs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 21:21pm

It’s always darkest before dawn. So, if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.16 @ 10:40am

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