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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My trainer said dieting is a piece of cake......So I'm ordering cakes for dinner
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:31pm

I dieted for a month...........After all the hard work, I finally lost 30 days
Posted By: Anik - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.19.16 @ 12:29pm

Boss says it's called laying down on the job, I argued that I was working in Landscape mode. Not sure I'm going to win this arguement.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.13.16 @ 05:22am

I heard this guy at the grocery store let off a really loud fart. The only other thing I know about him is that he does not seem to like high-fives.
Posted By: Bear - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.13.16 @ 03:48am

Dear April showers.... I expect Honey I shrunk the kid sized flowers in May
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.12.16 @ 05:18am

Have you ever wondered who the first person was that saw an egg fall out of a chicken's butt and said "Hmm, I think I'm going to eat that"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.6.16 @ 05:19am

I go on Christian Mingle ONE TIME, and they have to perform an exorcism on the whole site?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.5.16 @ 16:05pm

Is it depressing that I get overly excited upon discovering $3 in my pants pocket while doing laundry?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.5.16 @ 14:57pm

I can't wait till text walking is illegal
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.31.16 @ 05:58am

Relationship status : looking for a wifi connectiin
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.24.16 @ 22:14pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Warning! NEVER try to give your lonely french uncle a kiss on the cheek!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 03.24.16 @ 06:26am

A lie is a good story ruined by truth
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.21.16 @ 20:37pm

Here's my birth story, 👨 👩 👫💑💍👰🏡👉👌👉👌💏💏 9months later...📞🏃🏡🚙🏥😁😩😓😫😓😫😓😫😡😓😩😫😡😓😫😓😫😖😖😖😤👶😱😅😅🚙🏡 Whats yours?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.18.16 @ 15:58pm

My dentist said "I needed a crown." I was like "I know, 👑 right!"
Posted By: "T :)" - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.16.16 @ 03:17am

Ever noticed how the motto "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rarely applies to statuses on Facebook.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 03.13.16 @ 00:32am

the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.11.16 @ 13:14pm

whatever doesn't kill me had better run like hell
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 03.8.16 @ 00:46am

to busy to update my status
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.4.16 @ 06:00am

Sometimes hot dogs want to be called beautiful dogs once in a while.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.4.16 @ 04:57am

They say, make all the wishes I want.. But I still haven't successfully wished anyone away into that cornfield..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 03.2.16 @ 16:15pm

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