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Let's drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:30am

You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:27am

I'm a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:26am

The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I'll play mine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:26am

Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:25am

I know I've had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:22am

Why can't the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:47am

The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:58am

Tonight Iím trying to get to that happy place right between donít know my own name and head in the toilet.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:58am

I'd try Taco Bell's breakfast but I don't start drinking that early.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:57am

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Iíve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, Iím on my third glass of wine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.17.14 @ 10:24am

I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.17.14 @ 10:23am

If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I'd throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:59am

When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond ďWhy, what did you hear?Ē
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:51am

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:50am

There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you're not.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:49am

Being in hot water isn't so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.8.14 @ 11:19am

When people ask me what I'm going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.8.14 @ 11:19am

When I drink I become everybody's friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I'm sober.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.6.14 @ 11:07am

I hate to admit it, but Iíve got a serious drinking problem. I donít have any more money to buy liquor.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.4.14 @ 12:05pm

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