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ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 02.25.15 @ 11:53am

I need a partner in wine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 02.25.15 @ 11:52am

Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:55am

Iíve never pretended to be anything Iím notÖexcept for sober. Iíve pretended to be sober a few times.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 02.19.15 @ 10:35am

I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 12:41pm

I donít care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:40pm

Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. Thereís liquor and you canít hear them.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:03pm

Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 01.26.15 @ 12:02pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Water is so good when it's mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 01.23.15 @ 12:42pm

Sure, I'll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:58am

I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:47pm

I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:46pm

A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 01.14.15 @ 12:21pm

If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don't be open.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:56pm

The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 01.9.15 @ 13:00pm

You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let's negotiate.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 01.7.15 @ 10:52am

Instead of torturing people for getting information, why donít they just get them really drunk?
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 01.5.15 @ 10:55am

IíM ENGAGEDÖ..to be hungover tomorrow.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 12.31.14 @ 11:57am

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