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Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 16:01pm

Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 12.16.15 @ 15:57pm

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.5.15 @ 17:44pm

As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.5.15 @ 17:41pm

Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that's when people care what they're drinking!
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 09.7.15 @ 15:03pm

Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.24.15 @ 16:46pm

My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.24.15 @ 16:44pm

My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that's my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.3.15 @ 14:44pm

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've become beer, but didn't
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 06.14.15 @ 14:54pm

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I'm sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don't really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 06.6.15 @ 13:10pm

The problem with drinking with people from work is they're the ones I bitch about when I'm drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:23pm

Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 05.26.15 @ 19:21pm

You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 05.21.15 @ 16:54pm

I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 05.21.15 @ 16:53pm

They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 05.12.15 @ 16:34pm

If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 05.12.15 @ 16:34pm

drink beer 🍺 save water
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 05.8.15 @ 03:35am

"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

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