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I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs. So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:46am

I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.29.14 @ 10:17am

Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.28.14 @ 09:02am

Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:16am

The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.24.14 @ 10:14am

Let's drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:30am

You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.22.14 @ 08:27am

I'm a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:26am

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The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I'll play mine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:26am

Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:25am

I know I've had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:22am

Why can't the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:47am

The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:58am

Tonight Iím trying to get to that happy place right between donít know my own name and head in the toilet.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:58am

I'd try Taco Bell's breakfast but I don't start drinking that early.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.18.14 @ 11:57am

Iíve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, Iím on my third glass of wine.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.17.14 @ 10:24am

I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.17.14 @ 10:23am

If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I'd throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:59am

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