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Some days you just can't get home to your liquor fast enough
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 07.31.14 @ 11:09am

I'm only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 07.29.14 @ 09:22am

The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 07.28.14 @ 08:39am

On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 07.28.14 @ 08:31am

The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.25.14 @ 11:21am

Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 07.20.14 @ 10:42am

Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 07.20.14 @ 10:42am

When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 07.17.14 @ 11:05am

The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 07.16.14 @ 10:23am

If you can't handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 09:43am

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Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 09:43am

I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 09:41am

If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I'm bringin' home the Gold! USA! USA!
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.11.14 @ 19:13pm

Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.11.14 @ 10:54am

What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.11.14 @ 10:53am

My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 07.10.14 @ 09:26am

You guys are even more beautiful now that I'm wearing my "wine glasses".
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 07.10.14 @ 09:24am

“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.4.14 @ 11:29am

If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I'd probably choose vodka.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 07.4.14 @ 11:27am

I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 07.2.14 @ 10:19am

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