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Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am? Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and... Cop: You're free to go.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.27.14 @ 10:12am

I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 06.25.14 @ 10:09am

Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What've you got?
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 06.25.14 @ 10:09am

I'm a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 06.24.14 @ 10:08am

Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you're no detective
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 06.22.14 @ 09:17am

DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:46am

Iíve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:44am

Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

I'm opening a bar called The Office. You're welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I'm at The Office"
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:30am

I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:29am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 06.17.14 @ 12:13pm

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 06.17.14 @ 12:12pm

Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 06.7.14 @ 10:00am

This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 06.7.14 @ 10:00am

Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don't drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.6.14 @ 09:04am

The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 06.6.14 @ 09:01am

My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 06.5.14 @ 10:28am

So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 06.3.14 @ 10:24am

Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 06.3.14 @ 10:14am

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