My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.

My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that's my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've become beer, but didn't

I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.

I'm sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don't really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?

The problem with drinking with people from work is they're the ones I bitch about when I'm drunk.

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!

You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.

I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"

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They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.

If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.

drink beer 🍺 save water

"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.

You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help

Nice try salad bars, there's only one kinda bar I plan on attending.

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

I am a drinker ... Hear me pour