You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer

Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.

My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.

I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.

I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question

Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.

At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they're empty.

First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.

You really understand how drunk you are when you're peeing...

Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.

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If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?

Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form.

I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I'm at the liquor store.

There's a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.

Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.

Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.

I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.

As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.

Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that's when people care what they're drinking!

Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?