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I simply havenít seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 12.12.14 @ 12:37pm

In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 12.12.14 @ 12:35pm

Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You're annoying enough as it is
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 12.11.14 @ 11:22am

Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:18am

Apparently I'm the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 12.10.14 @ 11:16am

Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 12.8.14 @ 11:23am

At long last, I've finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 11:24am

Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 12.6.14 @ 11:23am

You know you're an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:39am

Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:38am

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"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you ran into my house, crying and screaming "HELP! THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME!"
Category: Drinking statuses on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 03:04am

Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.24.14 @ 12:00pm

My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:35am

Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:32am

You make me want to be a drunker person
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:05am

My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 10:49am

Of course I'm using OJ as a mixer, it's flu season.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:53am

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, ďThatís great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.Ē
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 11.12.14 @ 11:23am

I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.11.14 @ 11:46am

Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.11.14 @ 11:44am

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