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You know you're an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:39am

Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 12.4.14 @ 10:38am

"I wasn't that drunk!" Dude, you ran into my house, crying and screaming "HELP! THE MOON IS FOLLOWING ME!"
Category: Drinking statuses on Friday, 11.28.14 @ 03:04am

Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.24.14 @ 12:00pm

My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:35am

Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:32am

You make me want to be a drunker person
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:05am

My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 10:49am

Of course I'm using OJ as a mixer, it's flu season.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:53am

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, ďThatís great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.Ē
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 11.12.14 @ 11:23am

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I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.11.14 @ 11:46am

Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 11.11.14 @ 11:44am

I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 11.7.14 @ 11:50am

Sometimes I take a bath because itís hard to drink wine in the shower.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:30am

I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:28am

I'm just looking for a reason not to drink
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:50am

My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I'd have to stay away from carbs. So I've been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.31.14 @ 08:46am

I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.29.14 @ 10:17am

Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.28.14 @ 09:02am

Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

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