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If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I'd throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:59am

When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:51am

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:50am

There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you're not.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 10.10.14 @ 10:49am

Being in hot water isn't so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.8.14 @ 11:19am

When people ask me what I'm going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 10.8.14 @ 11:19am

When I drink I become everybody's friend which makes up for my hating everybody when I'm sober.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 10.6.14 @ 11:07am

I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 10.4.14 @ 12:05pm

Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 09.25.14 @ 10:10am

Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.24.14 @ 10:55am

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“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.24.14 @ 10:54am

PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn't drink vodka so she won't drink all of yours.
Category: funny drinking status update on Saturday, 09.20.14 @ 12:15pm

Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.17.14 @ 10:12am

I'm always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 09.16.14 @ 12:06pm

No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 09.16.14 @ 12:04pm

Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd love to bring a guest.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 09.15.14 @ 11:29am

Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 09.15.14 @ 11:29am

I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I've had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 09.15.14 @ 11:27am

If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 09.14.14 @ 10:36am

I've been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 09.14.14 @ 10:36am

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