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Just once I want my boss to assume I'm tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 09.14.14 @ 10:35am

No great story started with someone drinking water.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 09.11.14 @ 12:48pm

If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 09.11.14 @ 12:46pm

If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you're not doing it right...
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.10.14 @ 13:34pm

The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.10.14 @ 13:29pm

Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.10.14 @ 13:23pm

If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 09.9.14 @ 12:52pm

I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

Your personality needs alcohol.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:20am

People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.3.14 @ 11:53am

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Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.3.14 @ 11:46am

You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.28.14 @ 12:13pm

I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 08.27.14 @ 12:15pm

Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I'm tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 08.27.14 @ 12:10pm

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 08.26.14 @ 13:13pm

If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 08.26.14 @ 13:09pm

I'm sorry, I'll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I'm a giant.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.25.14 @ 11:00am

If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:13am

My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:11am

You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:11am

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