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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 09.9.14 @ 12:52pm

I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

Your personality needs alcohol.
Category: funny drinking status update on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:20am

People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.3.14 @ 11:53am

Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 09.3.14 @ 11:46am

You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.28.14 @ 12:13pm

I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 08.27.14 @ 12:15pm

Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I'm tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 08.27.14 @ 12:10pm

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 08.26.14 @ 13:13pm

If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
Category: funny drinking status update on Tuesday, 08.26.14 @ 13:09pm

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I'm sorry, I'll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I'm a giant.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.25.14 @ 11:00am

If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:13am

My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:11am

You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:11am

Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Category: funny drinking status update on Thursday, 08.21.14 @ 11:10am

"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Category: funny drinking status update on Wednesday, 08.20.14 @ 11:17am

And for my next magic trick, I'll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Category: funny drinking status update on Monday, 08.18.14 @ 10:38am

Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 08.17.14 @ 10:53am

Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 08.17.14 @ 10:53am

I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
Category: funny drinking status update on Sunday, 08.17.14 @ 10:51am

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