What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get the clock fixed.

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".

Why was everyone so tired on April 1st? They had just finished a March of 31 days.

Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She had her baby in the spring.

What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!

What has four legs one head but only one foot? A bed

What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.

What fruit teases you a lot? A ba na..na..na..na..na!

What do you call a 5000 pound gorilla? Sir!

How many letters are in the alphabet? Nineteen. Because ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.

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Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

How can you tell if a planet is married? It has a ring around it.

What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.

Why did the alien want to leave the party? The atmosphere wasn't right.

Where can you obtain virgin wool? Really ugly sheep.

Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake!

Why don't acrobats work in the winter? They only do Summer-saults.

What did one magnet say to the other magnet? "I find you very attractive."

Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken!