When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A deviled egg!

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband's heart rate. Tell him that you are pregnant.

What is big, fuzzy and green with four legs and six pockets and if it were to fall from a tree it would probably kill you? A snooker table.

What has more lives than a cat? A frog. It croaks every night.

A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says "Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"

Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He just couldn't see himself doing it.

Which hand is it better to write with? Neither, it's best to write with a pen!

What did God say when Joan of Arc showed up at the Pearly Gates? "Well done."

What has one horn and gives milk A milk truck.

How do you clean ice off tall buildings? With sky scrapers.

Why did the robber wash his clothes before he ran away with the loot? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

What would you get if you crossed a potato and a frog? A potatoad.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the armadillo it could be done!

What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed

Why don't fish play tennis? They might get caught in the net.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

What kind of bird does construction work? The crane!

Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming? Because they take too long to change!