How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What do you say to a skeleton before he eats? Bone appetit!

Why did the teacher jump into the lake? Because she wanted to test the waters!

Where does satisfaction come from? A satisfactory.

What happened to the man who lost his left arm, left leg and eye in an accident? It was touch and go but he is all right now.

What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!

What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas? A ladder in her stocking!

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!

What kind of flowers grow in outer space? Sunflowers.

What is another name for female Viagra? A Diamond

Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!

How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!

What type of bow can never be tied? A Rainbow.

What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously? A receding hareline.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roaming Catholic.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Slvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.