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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.16.11 @ 10:51am

We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.11 @ 20:45pm

I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 07.14.11 @ 18:09pm

whenever i'm bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.12.11 @ 15:09pm

If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.11.11 @ 15:24pm

Going to drink straight from the carton because I'm a badass!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 07.10.11 @ 19:49pm

Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.10.11 @ 19:48pm

I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.10.11 @ 11:23am

I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 14:08pm

My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 14:07pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Sometimes people don't notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.9.11 @ 07:46am

The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 07.8.11 @ 16:57pm

Sometimes I think if it weren't for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 07.6.11 @ 17:39pm

She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.11 @ 19:09pm

People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.11 @ 19:08pm

I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.4.11 @ 15:49pm

I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.4.11 @ 15:45pm

Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.3.11 @ 08:46am

This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.3.11 @ 08:14am

I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.2.11 @ 22:45pm

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