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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:07pm

I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington's decision when he reached the Delaware.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.30.18 @ 13:06pm

It's a good thing farting isn't as contagious as yawning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:19am

Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:19am

Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:19am

"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:18am

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Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:18am

You can't lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:18am

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:18am

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:18am

It's remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:17am

If I could move things by telekinesis I'd squeeze people's insides and make them fart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:17am

If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:17am

I believe in living every day like it's my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:17am

The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:17am

You know why it's called almond milk? Cuz you can't say nut juice with a straight face
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:16am

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