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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Come on. Let's all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:53am

My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. Iíll get it together eventually but it wonít ever feel quite right.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:52am

Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you've made in their life. It's not me. I think your an idiot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:52am

Want the truth? Just ask a kid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:52am

The judge says I'm a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:52am

Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:52am

So if your invited to someone's 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:51am

If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:51am

I'm not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:51am

I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:51am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:51am

Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

You can correct people's grammar or you can have friends. But you can't do both.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:50am

Did you know statistically you're more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
Posted By: Evilbirdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.10.14 @ 09:37am

I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.9.14 @ 20:13pm

"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 11.9.14 @ 09:38am

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