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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:07pm

I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:06pm

The songs I like always come on when Iím supposed to be getting out of my car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:06pm

Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:06pm

This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:05pm

I bet there's a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:05pm

You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:05pm

If you tickle me, Iím not responsible for your injuries.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 12:05pm

When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!
Posted By: David Willcox - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 09.8.14 @ 01:18am

Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I'm still on Season 8.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.7.14 @ 14:31pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
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Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.6.14 @ 15:41pm

I'm going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
Posted By: David Willcox - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 09.6.14 @ 14:56pm

I've just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Posted By: David Willcox - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 23:35pm

I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don't find him. Again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:21am

You don't know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:20am

If itís the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jailÖ
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:20am

It's kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 09.5.14 @ 11:20am

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