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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:03am

Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:03am

Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:03am

To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:03am

I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:03am

No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I'd go on a road trip with my mom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

So your baby doesn't know any tricks at all?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

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I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:02am

The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:01am

When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 09:01am

Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 08:51am

Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 03:55am

All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I've tried everything except 'Buffering'.
Posted By: Mark K - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.27.14 @ 20:41pm

God is creative... I mean look at me😂
Posted By: Nice guyyy - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.27.14 @ 09:58am

Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
Posted By: Studio 10 - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.26.14 @ 23:49pm

For all those girls that say 'all guys are the same' ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
Posted By: Studio 10 - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.26.14 @ 23:40pm

Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.26.14 @ 10:24am

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