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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:59am

Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:58am

"IT'S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:58am

The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:58am

My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:58am

I don't like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:43am

I'm working harder than an ugly stripper!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:14am

In today's world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Posted By: Abhinav - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 08:23am

at this point in life I break my life down into 2 time periods B.N and A.N....Before Netflix and After Netflix
Posted By: Kash America - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.18.15 @ 18:34pm

That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 20:17pm

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Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:50pm

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:50pm

At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:50pm

Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

I'm so old, I remember when the internet didn't have commercials.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:49pm

I'm just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson's to take his family members to the vet and get them microchipped.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.16.15 @ 12:48pm

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