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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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One thing I'll never understand is alcohol free wine
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 11:07am

I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 11:07am

Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.20.14 @ 10:22am

I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I'll remember that when it's YOUR birthday #405!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 22:51pm

Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 22:47pm

Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That's how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:13am

I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:12am

Sometimes itís just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:12am

I love a good nap. Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:12am

It looks like bathroom tai chi but it's me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:12am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
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I wonder what my dog has named me?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:12am

I'm not saying I'm out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:11am

Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:11am

Ladies and Gentleman, Iíve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. Thereís never enough beer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:11am

When I think of a selfie, I'm not sure it's the same thing you're thinking of
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:11am

I donít need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:10am

I laugh in the face of normal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:10am

I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:10am

Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you're in a public toilet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:10am

When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 11.19.14 @ 11:10am

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