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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I'm reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.23.15 @ 12:37pm

I've ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.23.15 @ 12:37pm

I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.23.15 @ 11:49am

Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you're being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 01.23.15 @ 10:40am

“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Posted By: Kash America - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 18:37pm

There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:07pm

You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:07pm

I'm glad it's the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:07pm

I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:07pm

The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I'm above average at something!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

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When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

Take me seriously at your own risk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

This is a private status. Please don't tell anyone about it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:06pm

“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:05pm

Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:05pm

Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:05pm

Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:05pm

Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.22.15 @ 12:05pm

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