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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:45am

Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:45am

If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:45am

If you figure me out I want an explanation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:44am

Iíve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:44am

I didn't want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:44am

You seem awesome. I can't wait to find out what I hate about you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:44am

Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iím talking about.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

Five little words that will win my heart, "I brought beer and pizza."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

There's no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:43am

Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:42am

Apparently, ďI had an interview with a better companyĒ is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:42am

No really I'm fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.20.14 @ 09:42am

pudding... thats always a funny word
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 19:46pm

My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:32am

As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:32am

When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:32am

I can't wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 06.19.14 @ 11:32am

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