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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:58am

There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:57am

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:57am

I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:57am

SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they're smart, confident, and aware they don't need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:57am

They say a womanís work is never done. Maybe thatís why they get paid less.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:57am

To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it's cold out
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:56am

I get in this weird mood where I donít want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ĎAwakeí
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:55am

Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:55am

Iíve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:55am

I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you canít pass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:55am

I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:55am

It's so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:54am

If you've Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you're okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:54am

Iíd be unstoppable if it wasnít for law enforcement and physics.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 01.8.15 @ 10:54am

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