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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 10:40am

In alcohol's defense, I've done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 10:40am

I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn't fill it out cause I couldn't find my crayons!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 09:18am

I wonder how long I'll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I've been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 00:41am

I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 00:38am

....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.3.15 @ 00:36am

I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I'm always thinking..."No I don't have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don't have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Posted By: Sixycat - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 18:19pm

"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 17:15pm

Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. Thereís liquor and you canít hear them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

FYI, Target does not give prizes, no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:48am

Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don't know.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:47am

Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:47am

Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:47am

Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:47am

The reason swans mate for life is because they don't talk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:47am

Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.2.15 @ 10:46am

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