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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:27am

I don't get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:27am

If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I'm gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

You're probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

I love hearing rumors about me...that's how I find out what I've been doing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

It's not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:26am

I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:25am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won't be able to see.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:25am

Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:25am

When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:25am

Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:25am

I'm watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.8.14 @ 09:20am

I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.7.14 @ 11:50am

Had a pizza today without extra cheese. Dieting is hard
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.7.14 @ 11:50am

At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.7.14 @ 11:50am

My boyfriend isn't allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.7.14 @ 11:50am

Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.7.14 @ 11:50am

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