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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Posted By: Natattack - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.14.14 @ 19:53pm

Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:13am

Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:03am

World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

I'll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:02am

Me: You've dimmed the lights already, aren't we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

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Today's the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

Not now, I'm busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

Here's a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Drinking after work
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:01am

Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.13.14 @ 10:00am

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