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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 17:06pm

Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:30am

Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:30am

Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:29am

Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:29am

I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:29am

Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:29am

Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:28am

I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:28am

You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:28am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:28am

Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:27am

Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:27am

In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:27am

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:27am

I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:27am

You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:26am

“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:26am

A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:26am

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.3.14 @ 09:26am

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