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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 16:12pm

FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 16:12pm

If someone starts a sentence with "words can't express," brace yourself, because they're about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 16:12pm

I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 16:12pm

If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 16:12pm

My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 11:16am

i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 04.9.15 @ 03:34am

I've been told I'm doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it's because I've been giving it 180 percent.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.8.15 @ 18:54pm

It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:45pm

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:45pm

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If I had a time machine I'd go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:45pm

Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:44pm

News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:44pm

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:44pm

The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:44pm

My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:44pm

I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:43pm

I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:43pm

Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:43pm

The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don't even have to hide a body.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.6.15 @ 18:43pm

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