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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:45am

A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:45am

Don't half a$$ it. It's not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:45am

Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn't stop coloring till 2 o'clock this morning.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:45am

"YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?" I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:45am

I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:44am

Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:44am

Iíve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?Ö I think not!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:44am

That awkward moment when you run into someone and there's no where to hide
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 11.14.14 @ 10:44am

I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 23:41pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don't know them, and they don't know we're sharing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 23:25pm

Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 23:22pm

At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 21:05pm

I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 21:03pm

My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that's what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 18:47pm

I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 11:28am

I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 11:27am

Accidentally took a women's multi vitamin & I've been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 11:27am

I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 11:27am

I live in fear that one day the real "World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.13.14 @ 11:27am

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