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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:12pm

If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:12pm

Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:11pm

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:11pm

Apparently people don't like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:11pm

Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:10pm

Sorry I said "You'll Do" instead of "I Do" at our wedding.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:10pm

Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:10pm

It may appear like I'm doing nothing, but i'm actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:10pm

Apparently everyone was too high in the 70's when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:10pm

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I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:09pm

Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:09pm

I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:09pm

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 12:09pm

I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Posted By: Kwoat - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 08:46am

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Posted By: Kwoat - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 02.18.15 @ 08:39am

If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 12:41pm

I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 12:41pm

I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 12:41pm

If I've learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven't figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.17.15 @ 12:41pm

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