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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

Three words to ruin a woman's ego. "I can't tell."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:57am

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

Boy if these walls could talk I'd be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

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You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:56am

Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.14.14 @ 10:50am

I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:30am

Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:30am

At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:30am

iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That's like if my bed was named iSex.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:30am

Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn't leave much room. It's small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:29am

If you're not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you're probably boring.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:29am

Your cat doesn't love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.13.14 @ 11:29am

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