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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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POLITICS; from 'poly' meaning 'many and 'Tics' meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin'
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.16.15 @ 09:47am

People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.15.15 @ 23:43pm

Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.15.15 @ 19:28pm

i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Posted By: jackweezy - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.14.15 @ 17:49pm

Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Posted By: StEvEr - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 13:00pm

I donít care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:40pm

You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:39pm

If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:39pm

Iím in no shape to exercise.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:39pm

Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:39pm

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You know what's funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:39pm

I don't know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:38pm

I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:37pm

Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:37pm

I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.13.15 @ 12:37pm

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