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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:53am

The Never Ending Story should've been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:53am

You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:53am

Hi, welcome to adulthood! You'll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:53am

My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don't have to be there
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

If I'm in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:52am

Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:51am

How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 09:10am

Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 07:45am

Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.14.14 @ 04:45am

When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.13.14 @ 20:00pm

Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they've seen your shuttlecock
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 07.13.14 @ 13:24pm

99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
Posted By: Cola - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 23:17pm

I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Posted By: DAVE - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 18:14pm

You can't Febreze bullshit.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 07.12.14 @ 16:31pm

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