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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:56pm

If you're going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don't be open.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:56pm

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:56pm

If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:55pm

Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:55pm

I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:55pm

Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:55pm

Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:55pm

"Can't touch this." ... "Can't touch this." ... "Can't touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

I'd like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

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That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

The phrase "Don't take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can't imagine what it would be like with other people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:54pm

I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:53pm

At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:53pm

If you don't believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you've never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.13.15 @ 12:53pm

I give myself the best presents.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 12:56pm

You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 12:56pm

I'm not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.12.15 @ 12:56pm

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