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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Just once I'd like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:38am

Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:38am

I've been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don't talk to me about dedication
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:37am

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:37am

If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:37am

I don't know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish's Birth date.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:36am

I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:36am

My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I'm just glad to be involved.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:36am

FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:35am

Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:35am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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It's always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing domino's"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 10:35am

I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Posted By: Me - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.9.15 @ 05:57am

Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.8.15 @ 10:42am

Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.8.15 @ 09:20am

Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:51am

If it's the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:50am

How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:50am

Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:50am

I play hard to get along with.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:50am

Strip search? ... Fine, but I'm going to need some background music.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.6.15 @ 10:50am

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