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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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You're in your 20's... you don't have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:09pm

So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:09pm

What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:09pm

CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it'll work again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:09pm

I don't eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I'll have to $hit more at work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:09pm

Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:08pm

You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:08pm

I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how's your day going?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:08pm

“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:08pm

I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 02.24.15 @ 12:08pm

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I don't think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:55am

If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:55am

Is it the S or the C that's silent in scent?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:55am

Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:55am

It's so cold out I've turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:53am

Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:53am

Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:53am

I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:53am

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:52am

Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:52am

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