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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it's just awkward
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:25am

The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

If you're gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

They say children are a gift from god. I'm totally wide-open to regifting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:24am

One man's sarcastic answer, is another man's stupid question
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

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If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

I hate it when I'm trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 10:23am

... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
Posted By: Kamasushi - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 01.1.14 @ 00:25am

I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 22:27pm

Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 22:17pm

Another year has passed. I've just about given up on the Mayans.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 21:36pm

Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 17:28pm

If you're reading this then I'm wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Posted By: Mic - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 17:24pm

I'd drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 12.31.13 @ 10:15am

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