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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send my dog to obedience school
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:55am

WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:55am

Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:55am

When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:54am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
I didn't see anyone important today, so I'll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:53am

Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:53am

Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:53am

Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:53am

I don't get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I'm in my underwear making a sandwich.
Posted By: msw - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:44am

I hate when I'm on Facebook and I'm rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
Posted By: msw - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:40am

Got kicked out of Ziggy's. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
Posted By: msw - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:28am

I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it's an IPad!"
Posted By: JPS - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.29.14 @ 09:27am

I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Posted By: Mic - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 13:30pm

I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Posted By: Mic - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.28.14 @ 13:30pm

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