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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

I'm like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If you don't remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:30pm

If you eat doughnuts fast enough your Fitbit thinks you're walking.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:29pm

In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:28pm

Honestly, it's not the way I look that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

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If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

I miss that feeling you'd get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:27pm

Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

I'm beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

If someone says "I'm a sub-par golfer" does that mean they're good at golf, or bad?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:26pm

Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.1.17 @ 18:25pm

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