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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Being a medieval doctor was probably super easy. "Yeah, you've got blood ghosts, you should do cocaine for it."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:32pm

Does anyone else ever wonder why the game uno doesn’t have the rest of the cards in Spanish?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:32pm

When you're sick, the advice you get is to literally do drugs and stay out of school.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:32pm

A corn dog is just a meat Twinkie
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:31pm

I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:31pm

Why do people say "hashtag" out loud, question mark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:31pm

Every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:29pm

The SPCA needs to open a bar. I know a ton of guys that bring home dogs from the bar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:29pm

"This isn't my first rodeo." -Me, at my second rodeo
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:29pm

Without the moon, there would be no tides, and no name for what my brothers did to me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:29pm

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Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay ... again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:28pm

Just because she weighed as much as 2 people, that doesn't mean you had a threesome.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:28pm

I was feeling tough and manly until I realized the spider was on the inside of the window.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:28pm

Any psychic who has bells on their door to let them know someone is there is probably not worth it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:28pm

Welcome to your 40s. You are no longer the target audience for anything cool.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:27pm

You ever read a girl status and wished someone would just treat her right so she'd just stfu
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:27pm

If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:27pm

I didn't go to the gym today,....but the cashier's name at Macdonald's was Jim...sooo same thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:26pm

Losing an argument with your woman? Just tell her "My mom was right about you" to get the upper hand.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:26pm

I accidentally took one of my wife's One-A-Day Vitamins for Women this morning. I've been trying to get dressed for three hours but everything makes me look fat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 09.9.18 @ 13:26pm

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