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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 08.26.18 @ 17:34pm

You know you're getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm

Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm

eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:48pm

If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm

I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm

I'm great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm

So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:46pm

Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it's $50 to let go"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm

Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm

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Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm

Living alone is pretty cool, I don't even know if my bathroom door closes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:45pm

Sometimes I think hip hop music gets a bad rap.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:44pm

I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:44pm

I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:43pm

Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm

Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm

The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm

A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you'll come back.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:42pm

Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 08.25.18 @ 12:41pm

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