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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Javascript is when your doctor writes you a prescription for more coffee. Everyone knows that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:16pm

Not so great minds also think alike!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

If we are ever in a situation where I am the voice of reason, then we are in a very very bad situation.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

80% of adulthood is just unsubscribing from emails you no longer wish to receive.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

When someone says "Only God can judge me" what they are really saying "I know it's wrong but I still don't care."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

The ancient Egyptians had strict burial requirements, which included being dug up & displayed in a museum years later?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

If I get addicted to eating cold turkey, idk how i'm going to quit
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:15pm

Glasses make you look smart, but you have to fail an exam to get them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:14pm

If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:14pm

I ordered botox instead of a bowflex and you can’t tell but I’m mad
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:14pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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You can't fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:13pm

Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:13pm

I went to the house I grew up in and asked if I could have a look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so freaking rude...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:12pm

I want to be a millionaire. Just like my dad! No, he wasn't a millionaire, but he always wanted to be.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:12pm

The first rule of procrastination club will be covered in the next meeting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:12pm

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:12pm

Airport security asked me if I'd seen anything unusual. Well, I just paid eighteen dollars for a turkey sandwich and a bottle of beer, let's start with that.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:11pm

We were so poor that all we had for dinner was “helper”.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:11pm

And in other news, a terrorist attack has blown away two houses - one made of straw and the other made of wood. Police think that it's probably a lone wolf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:11pm

One of my biggest fears is that I'll marry into a family that does 5ks on holidays.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.2.18 @ 12:10pm

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