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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:08pm

And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:08pm

Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:08pm

Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:08pm

Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:08pm

I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you're pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:07pm

I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:07pm

Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:07pm

Iím not shy, Iím just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:07pm

You know whatís easy? ... Opening another beer
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:07pm

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The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:06pm

It's like my kids don't even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 12:06pm

If youíre telling me to relax, itís probably your fault that Iím not.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:41am

Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:41am

Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn't exist?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:38am

Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:37am

The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I'm thinking taco cart...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:37am

If I were a cashier I'd pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:36am

I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:36am

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn't think so.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 06.4.17 @ 11:35am

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