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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Let's all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:09pm

President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:09pm

Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:09pm

Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:09pm

I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:09pm

You can always count on me to feel you up when you're feeling down
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:08pm

I don't really want to make bad choices; but I'm always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:08pm

Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:08pm

It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:07pm

The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:06pm

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The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:04pm

I'd be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:04pm

I didn't know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:04pm

With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:03pm

Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 13:03pm

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 12:57pm

I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 12:57pm

The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 12:57pm

I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn't actually catch the murder on video?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 12:57pm

If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 01.29.17 @ 12:56pm

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