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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesnít seem so bad now.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:24am

There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I'll kill you all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:24am

Don't mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:24am

Don't get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:23am

Itís not you. Itís me finally realizing that youíre terrible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:23am

Married sext: I'm not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:23am

Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like youíre fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:23am

Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what's really going on
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:23am

I know I've had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 10:22am

Yeah he's still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
Posted By: T.R.M. - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 10.21.14 @ 07:25am

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Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 14:39pm

Why can't the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:47am

On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:47am

My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I'm the race car, sometimes I'm the iron. But usually I'm a peanut because I've lost all the game pieces.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:46am

Guys communicate by insulting each other, but donít really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but donít really mean it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:46am

To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:46am

I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It's like they don't know I plan on cropping them out later.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:46am

If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:45am

No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:45am

Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.20.14 @ 09:45am

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