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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 08.3.15 @ 14:39pm

After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:37pm

Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you're probably single.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:37pm

So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:36pm

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:36pm

Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:36pm

Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:36pm

If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:36pm

Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've become beer, but didn't
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

I never get caught because I've watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:35pm

I'm thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:34pm

Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800's isn't a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:34pm

DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth's equator, most of them would drown.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:34pm

Saying "I'm offended" is basically telling the world you can't control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:34pm

I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I'll get ripped in 15 minutes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:33pm

I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.27.15 @ 14:33pm

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