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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:32am

Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 11.18.14 @ 11:32am

Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I'm thinking savings isn't the only thing you will catch ...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:06am

I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It's much clearer now
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:06am

LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:05am

You make me want to be a drunker person
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:05am

Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:04am

When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:04am

I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:04am

Trust me ...... I can't believe I'm still here either.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:03am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
The self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:02am

Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:02am

If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:02am

The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that's just science
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:01am

By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:01am

If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:01am

The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:00am

Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like 'Stabbyrabbit' or 'Weaponrat'
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 11:00am

That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 10:50am

My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 11.17.14 @ 10:49am

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