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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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If I drank, I'd have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I'd think they were funnier.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.6.15 @ 03:39am

Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn't scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 06.5.15 @ 18:55pm

Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 06.3.15 @ 08:10am

He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 17:54pm

Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn't be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 13:45pm

iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 08:28am

I've been single so long now I don't remember what it's like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn't even know it did!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

I don't think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

The problem with drinking with people from work is they're the ones I bitch about when I'm drunk.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:37am

Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can't change a tire for sh*t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you'll be dead soon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

I'm so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:36am

Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:35am

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:35am

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.1.15 @ 03:35am

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