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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don't have to rub it in..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 11.3.16 @ 06:41am

If Trump wins I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Posted By: Kristian Alekov - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 11.1.16 @ 20:17pm

Y'all are gonna lose your minds when Donald Trump eats a Snickers and turns into Bernie Sanders.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:10pm

Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:08pm

Debate?.....isn't that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:08pm

Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can't spell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:08pm

This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like's your idea"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:08pm

You know you're old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as '2 loads' - just sayin'!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

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I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don't care about being healthy and smelling clean."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:07pm

I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

I'd share my Netflix login but I'm too embarrassed by "My List".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we're like "that's a soup ladle".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

You're one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 12:05pm

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Halloween status update saying on Sunday, 10.30.16 @ 11:55am

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