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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:30am

I'm always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:30am

The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:30am

My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:30am

Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:29am

Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:29am

A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:29am

Being clean and sober means iíve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:29am

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:29am

Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:27am

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"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

With all the technology these days, you'd think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

I don't trust stairs. They always look like they're up to something.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don't know who to root for.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:26am

You know whatís more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:25am

Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:25am

When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 06.20.16 @ 08:25am

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