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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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They're called 'selfies' because the only one who's interested in them is yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.3.16 @ 13:32pm

Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:22pm

I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I've no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I'll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:22pm

I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:22pm

They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It's "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:21pm

I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:21pm

When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:21pm

One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:20pm

If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:20pm

If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:20pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
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I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:20pm

If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:19pm

I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:19pm

Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:19pm

I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:19pm

My stomach just growled so hard I thought I was getting a text message.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:19pm

Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I'm showing myself out, thanks
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:18pm

My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:18pm

Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:18pm

Iím looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 04.27.16 @ 18:18pm

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