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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.16.14 @ 10:41am

I'm just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.16.14 @ 10:41am

Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.16.14 @ 10:41am

The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.16.14 @ 10:40am

Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 10.16.14 @ 10:40am

What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
Posted By: Your mother - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 20:27pm

My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:33am

Tomorrow I'm going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:30am

This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:30am

I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:29am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:29am

You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:29am

Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:29am

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:29am

Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I'm not judgmental, so I won't assume what sex she was.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:28am

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:28am

You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:28am

Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:28am

I love arguing with you so much, I'll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:27am

I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that's over with.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 10.15.14 @ 10:27am

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