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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 09:51am

If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Posted By: PraneetPyati - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 02.23.15 @ 01:41am

Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.21.15 @ 13:29pm

When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
Posted By: Just Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.21.15 @ 12:06pm

I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
Posted By: jake - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 02.21.15 @ 01:31am

If something's worth doing, it's worth doing rihgt.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 13:02pm

Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:55am

I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:54am

If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:53am

I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:52am

No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:52am

If you play my workday backwards, it’s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:52am

The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I'm going to drink tonight.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:52am

I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:52am

I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 02.20.15 @ 10:51am

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