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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I need new swear words.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:21am

School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:20am

If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn't enough.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

I'm the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Boobs: because you can't suck on a girls personality
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn't listening anyway.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:19am

I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:18am

I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 04.15.14 @ 08:18am

Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.14.14 @ 10:10am

Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.14.14 @ 10:09am

Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 04.14.14 @ 10:09am

Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 04.14.14 @ 10:09am

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