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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Ladies, don't date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:44pm

Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:44pm

Posting a status update before responding to someone's text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:44pm

My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:44pm

If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:43pm

Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 14:43pm

According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I'm guessing the other 48% have new ones?
Posted By: Mr Sharp - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 13:47pm

50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 11:37am

When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn't judge your big order for one.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.22.14 @ 08:55am

To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 12:41pm

Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:54am

I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:54am

The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:54am

My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

You're never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn't 3 hours long.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:53am

I'm not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 07.21.14 @ 10:52am

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