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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:03pm

I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:03pm

Iím beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:03pm

Ride me like you stole me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

A woman saying "I'm not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won't feel a thing."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

I havend't heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he's okay.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

*wants to travel the world but has like 3 dollars*
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

I don't get women. Also, I don't understand them.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:02pm

One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:01pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

Do people with cats not know about dogs?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:01pm

A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:01pm

If you are used to seeing a fat, naked guy walk around his house, then you are probably my neighbor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Thursday, 05.7.15 @ 17:01pm

If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 05.6.15 @ 15:01pm

Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 05.5.15 @ 03:19am

I'd like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Posted By: Welby - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 05.4.15 @ 08:09am

if your an astronaut, and you don't end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.3.15 @ 16:23pm

I'm more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.3.15 @ 15:52pm

Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Posted By: dave - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.3.15 @ 14:02pm

You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 05.3.15 @ 10:45am

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