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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and thatís how science works.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:56am

I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didnít work out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:56am

Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:56am

Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:56am

Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don't want to go to prison.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:55am

If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.20.15 @ 10:55am

I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:05am

Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:04am

My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:04am

I don't mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:03am

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
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I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:03am

If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:03am

I have a dream that one day I won't have to work on MLK Day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:03am

My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:03am

People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn't give a $#!t.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:02am

If I had a dollar for every time I got suspiciousÖ Iíd wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:02am

I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it's negative.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:02am

Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 10:02am

I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:59am

Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 01.19.15 @ 09:59am

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