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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife's killer, but no one will do it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 09:09am

*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 09:09am

Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor's coupons?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 09:08am

Why is there a show called "When Animals Attack"? It should be called "When Stupid People Go Near Dangerous Animals."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:53am

Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I'm not beating her.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I'm a ball of fun when I black out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:52am

My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:51am

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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:51am

Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:51am

This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 10.27.14 @ 08:51am

Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
Posted By: Evil_Birdbath - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 23:40pm

I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 07:58am

Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 03:43am

If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you're backwards compatible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 10.26.14 @ 03:42am

one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :'D
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 11:04am

never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 00:52am

Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 10.25.14 @ 00:28am

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