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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:31pm

Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:30pm

Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:30pm

Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:30pm

My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

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I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one's shaped like an idiot!"?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:29pm

Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:24pm

There's no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:24pm

I'm actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:24pm

Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:23pm

1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 07.5.16 @ 15:21pm

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