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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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Irons are like 1000 degrees, who's bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

If youíre a douchebag, itís so easy to find the right hat.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I'm already up to 3 times a day"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpiní STILL isnít easy.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I'm going to die, right ?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:26am

Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:25am

This ad says: "3 out of 5 smokers die" Apparently the other 2 become immortal.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:25am

Most people donít act stupid Ė itís the real thing.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:25am

You know itís going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts withÖ ďAre you sitting down?Ē
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:25am

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Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 04.20.14 @ 11:25am

People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I'm not in charge of the red button.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 22:22pm

It is days like today that I am glad that we all don't live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Posted By: JD - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 20:49pm

Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Easter status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don't run into anyone you know
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:11am

What do you mean I didnít win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 04.19.14 @ 08:10am

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