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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:07pm

I can see your camouflage pants, so they're not working.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:07pm

Iím gonna have to get new pets, Iím running out of passwords.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:07pm

"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:07pm

I've run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:06pm

"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who's pointing out a constellation
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:06pm

Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 03.16.15 @ 16:06pm

I donít need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:35pm

All these years and I still don't understand why they didn't put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iím having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don't think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive. However, we are now posting more that we would have rejected for not being funny to us. As long as it's not vulgar or unreadable or not even related to a silly status.
Check out more at Almost Silly Statuses

How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

Being a fat guy at McDonald's is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

I like to finish other peopleís sentences because my version is better.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:34pm

Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:33pm

Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:33pm

You're pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:33pm

Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:33pm

Ainít no sandwich when sheís gone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Friday, 03.13.15 @ 18:33pm

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