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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
Posted By: Sage - Category: funny status update saying on Wednesday, 12.21.16 @ 17:51pm

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they're born AND after they're dead.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:34pm

I'm so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:34pm

The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:34pm

Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:33pm

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:32pm

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Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:32pm

MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:32pm

A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:32pm

Today I heard a guy on the street say, 'It's chowder season, baby!' so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:32pm

Flat screens are nice and all, but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

Somehow I'm not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a douche.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

Once again, I'm a distant runner-up for TIME magazine's 'Person Of The Year'. I'm beginning to think it's rigged...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my 'WTF' lines and those things are deep.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.11.16 @ 15:31pm

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