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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:09pm

How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven't paid for a ticket from entering the game!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee's you're buying it off of sure can.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you're batshit crazy and running with it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

Id like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:08pm

It's like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:07pm

I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:07pm

Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:07pm

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Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:07pm

Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:06pm

Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:06pm

I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it's in walking distance.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:06pm

Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:05pm

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:05pm

Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:05pm

One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:05pm

I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:05pm

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, youre probably holding the taser wrong.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 02.5.17 @ 14:04pm

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