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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

I'm at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren't there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

During the first two weeks of January, people often resolve to lose weight, which is great for me because the line at Golden Corral is much shorter.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:45pm

I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

The first order of business for the 115th Congress: blaming everything on the 114th Congress.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

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I'll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

Are walruses just vampire manatees?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:44pm

Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

I'm kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Tuesday, 01.10.17 @ 19:43pm

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