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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Sunday, 12.4.16 @ 12:10pm

I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:54am

“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:54am

If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn't let you skip.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:54am

If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:54am

Oh and BTW,,, Why haven't Pig Pen's parents been visited by child services yet?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:53am

If you touch your phone in the right places, a pizza will arrive at your door.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:53am

The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:53am

When we were kids, we didn't have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren't there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:53am

Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:53am

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I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny Christmas status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:52am

Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

I'm running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:51am

It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:50am

My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:50am

“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I'm telling mom”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Monday, 11.28.16 @ 11:50am

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