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Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here.

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I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:16am

Spiderman's Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:16am

There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:16am

It's not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we're the survivors.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:16am

The biggest cause of cancer in mice is research.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:15am

Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.23.18 @ 11:15am

Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Meal prepping is basically eating a week's worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

Is it just me or doesn't anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:45am

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I hate when I’m walking into the gym and the wind blows me into the liquor store.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny drinking status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

I don't get personal trainers. I've never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:44am

I think the only way I'll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I'm in prison.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:43am

Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

When you're a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Posted By: Guest - Category: funny status update saying on Saturday, 06.9.18 @ 06:42am

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